Booth's Lie
by gawilliams
Summary: Booth lied to Bones about the way in which he loves her. How does he feel about that? And how does Bones feel about it, assuming she caught the lie? Takes place right after the Season 5 premier. Spoiler alert as chapter 20 deals with the new episode.
1. Chapter 1

_This very short piece came to me as I watched the season 5 premiere last night. I hope you all enjoy it. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

From the Journal of FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth:

_Sept. 21, 2009: I lied to Bones tonight. Except for when I didn't tell her that my death a little over a year ago was an undercover ruse, I've never lied to her. I could see in her eyes that she knew I was lying. I also saw something that amazed me. She was ready to hear the words. She was ready to take a chance on something that is so uncertain: LOVE. The range of emotions she displayed as I worked up to saying that all important phrase "I love you" and then my cowardly qualifier is complete proof of that. I never want to see that kind of disappointment on her face, and especially her eyes, ever again. I've never been more ashamed of myself than I am right now. I've taken a serious risk, but what else could I do? Cam was so right. If I succeed and break Bones out of her shell and it doesn't work, Bones _**won't**_ trust anyone ever again. Then Sweets showed me something that makes me question my feelings. That wasn't enough, though, to make me question myself. No. It was that fucking clown. I hate clowns. And yet, I laughed at this one and enjoyed the joke. Maybe there is something to what Sweets said. It was at that moment that I knew that I had to lie to Bones. I want her, and I know she's ready, but I have to be sure that it's because I really want her, and not because I have something wrong with a part of my brain that's making me act a certain way. Bones deserves more than a declaration brought on by a brain abnormality. She deserves that declaration because I am more sure than anything that she is the one that deserves all the love, respect, and attention that I can possibly give, without any awkward influences. I only hope that when I am sure, she will understand that I lied to her in order to protect her. I don't want her going through life not trusting anyone ever again and also not being able to accept the love she deserves. I refuse to be the cause of that. Two things are going to happen tomorrow. First, I'm making an appointment with the neurosurgeon and talk to him about the scans Sweets showed me. Second, I'm going to confession and have a long talk with my confessor about what I did, and ask for forgiveness for deceiving someone who deserved a lot better from me. I only hope that when I am sure of what's real and what isn't she's willing to forgive me and give us a chance. Sometimes it really sucks putting others first, but Bones deserves no less._

From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:

_Sept. 21, 2009: Booth lied to me. I don't think that's ever happened before, except when the FBI faked his death, and it's very disturbing. He told me he loves me. That much I believe. Then he placed a caveat on that long awaited statement from him. "An 'Atta Girl sort of way'"? What is he trying to do? He looked uncomfortable saying that, and I knew. Right then, and in a moment of complete clarity, I was able to read Booth as well as he reads me, and I knew that he was lying about the caveat. He's recovered from the surgery, and is able to work like he always has, but something is off. He's unsure of something, and I need to find out what that something is. I was ready, finally ready, to respond to him when he said he loves me, but then he added the qualifier. I'm ready to trust someone with my heart, as illogical as that statement sounds, and Booth is who I am ready to trust it with. Now I have to find out what is going on, and why he lied. I'm worried, and I don't know what to do. I only hope that he is alright, and that my own lie in return was believable. _

_A/N: I imagined Bones' journal entries would be short and concise, though containing a lot of depth, while Booth would have a more rambling feel to it and also that he would work his way through the elements of what was bothering him more fully in words that Bones would, despite the fact that she's the published author. She'd have a journal, but it would be brief in dealing with her feelings as it would be difficult for her to open up about herself, even on paper unless it was in the guise of a fictional character. I hope that this presentation of a pivotal moment works for everyone. Gregg._


	2. Chapter 2

_I decided to do a little writing project for this season as long as the show is presenting little elements of what Booth lost, his efforts to get it back and also try to get closer to Bones, and vice versa. It will branch off into AU if they have Bones hook up with someone other than Booth during the season, as has happened before at unexpected moments. The project will be to have a journal entry for Bones and Booth for each episode, giving their thoughts on the personal progress being made by them based on a pivotal issue or moment. Hope that you all enjoy it. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**From the Journal of FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth:**

_Sept. 26, 2009: I learned something valuable today. It doesn't matter how much money Bones has, or how little I have in comparison. What really matters is the time we spend together. We've always had a connection, from the moment we met, but showing her how to fix those pipes with a Plumbing For Dummies book and my Swiss cheese memory showed me just how petty comparisons about earnings really are. Bones works hard for what she has, and always will. I work just as hard and we both get what is coming to us within our respective fields. When I held her hand over that joint fitting, it was like all the points about pride and comfort when it came to money simply went up in smoke. _

_I hate lying to her so much about how I feel, but this incident, and case, also showed me that I'm not ready to face her with the truth. I need to tell her the truth when I can honestly say I'm all there. For now, I'll let these moments keep on happening, let her know that I'm there for her, and also that I want to spend as much time with her as possible. Who would have known that Bones would get a kick out of lying face down on the kitchen floor fixing the pipes with me?_

**From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:**

_Sept. 26, 2009: Booth almost said it again. He almost said he loves me. I could see it in his eyes, and I was once again ready for it, but he couldn't do it. I think I understand now what is happening. He's wanting to make sure he is whole again in his memory before making such a sweeping gesture with no qualifiers. Like he always is, he's trying to protect me. I'm torn between wanting to hug him, and show him how much I love him, or knocking him on his ass for keeping us apart for this much longer. I trust him to know when the time is right, though._

_I also think he screwed up the pipe fitting on purpose just so he could see me sprayed with cold water, giving him a free wet t-shirt style view of me. Maybe I should have simply removed my shirt and wet clothes right there and given him a show, but the simple beauty of that moment we shared was too special to mar it by such blatant sexual antics. Instead I want him to hold my hand again, or, if he's so inclined, give me a Guy Hug, which we both know is more in the way of a lovers hug. I never would have thought it possible to consider someone a lover who I am not sexually involved with, but I know now that Booth and I are lovers. Now we just need to get to a point where he can let go of the demons that his faulty memory are creating. I hope it's soon._

_A/N: I am keeping these updates short, as I want the journal entries to reflect only one or two items so as not to take away from the personal elements that are being developed. There will be one set of __journal entries for each new episode. Thanks for all the reviews on the various stories I am working on. Gregg._


	3. Chapter 3

_Here's another chapter of this journal series. I had to re-watch the latest episode a couple of times to figure out what I wanted to focus on in this one. It was a great episode, but difficult to pin down for the purposes of this story. I hope that everyone enjoys these two entries. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:**

_Oct. 5, 2009: I don't know whether to be encouraged or depressed. Booth took one step forward by wearing his multi-colored socks, but he took one step back by having an engaging, and voluntary, discussion about sex. Booth talking about sex without being squeamish? Something is wrong with that. That is not my Booth. _**My **_Booth? Did I just write that? I guess I did, and I am becoming more invested in this than I thought I was if I am using a possessive in reference to Booth. Are his personality differences perhaps why Booth is hesitant about saying he loves me with no additional qualifying language? If so, then I need to find out more about what is happening. Perhaps Sweets may know something. He was right about letting Booth "teach" me about plumbing. That moved our relationship forward a great deal._

_There is one item that will always divide us: religion. I saw evidence of people denying their gifts all for the sake of religion. I have a difficult time understanding how anyone who believes that our talents and abilities are gifts from God, could turn around and shun those very same talents and abilities in the name of God. It is because of the personal conundrum that this creates that this fine young man, who had such a magnificent talent, is now dead instead of having been the pride of his parents for those gifts. I respect Booth and his desire to have personal faith in something higher than all of us, but it is incidents and examples like these that make it impossible for me to agree with him. I only hope that he will understand the distinction between respecting someone's honest beliefs and disagreeing with those beliefs and that it is not a contradiction. If we get to the point of him being honest about his feelings for me, this could cause a great many problems if he can't understand that. I don't know what I'd do if we were to get so close and lose it all over such a difference of opinion. At least I know of one thing that I can have faith in: Booth._

**From the Journal of Special Agent Seeley Booth:**

_Oct. 5, 2009: I surprised myself. I actually had a conversation with Bones about sex and didn't feel as if I wanted to crawl into the nearest hole in the ground and hide. It was pretty interesting, too. I have a better idea about how Bones has approached that subject, and it seems to me that the methodical way in which she evidently decided to experience sex her first times has also colored how she views her continuing viewpoints. It gives me some real hope that when our time comes, I can continue to show her another way of looking at such an important aspect of a relationship. She already said I'm right about the idea of making love, so here is the basis for allowing some real honesty in the future._

_I'm not sure, though, if we will ever reconcile our truly monumentally divergent views on religion. We both agree that the Amish have a skewed way of looking at the world. I even think that Bones understood the implications of what that young mans' upbringing had for such a prodigy. It truly is a shame to use God as an impediment to utilizing and sharing such beautiful gifts from God. He may have been of a different Faith, but I intend on lighting a candle for him at Mass this coming Sunday and offer a small prayer for him. A petty thief may have been the proximate cause of his untimely death, but in the larger panorama it was his particular Faith that let him down. I only hope that my own deep Faith in the Catholic Church doesn't cause such a divide between me and Bones one day that a committed relationship between us is impossible._

_The only other thing I have to complain about is her use of the word "Boothy". I hope to Hell that no one heard her. That's the kind of thing that will make my work environment a living Hell. Maybe I better cool it with all the nicknames. Bones, though, will always be Bones. That will never change, and I'm eternally thankful for that._

_A/N: As I mentioned above, it was difficult to come to a decision on what to focus on for these journal entries and still make it not only coherent, but also of an appropriate length for the entries. I know there are some other elements that could have been explored, but this is what I ultimately focused on. I hope that it doesn't disappoint too many people who have other favorite parts of the episode. Gregg. _


	4. Chapter 4

_Here's the latest installment in this one. I am having some deciding which elements of the episodes to use for the journal entries, but this episode was loaded with possibilities. As I want a certain length for the entries, it is, as always, a struggle to keep the creative aspect at bay enough to keep it within the normal framework. I hope you all enjoy this one. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**From the Journal of Special Agent Seeley Booth:**

_Oct. 10, 2009: "Sexed up"??? I can't even begin to get my head around the concept that my son said _**THAT. **_And Bones! She actually implied that I need to get laid so I can be happy and fulfilled. What is it? Focus on Booth's Sex Life Day??? Really, it's the lack of, but the point is that subject should be out of bounds, and it should really be the last thing that my son with no arm pit hair to speak of should be worried about. I don't even think he's old enough to know about sex, let alone worry about whether the Old Man is getting any. I have to admit, though, that in the end it worked out and he said what had to be the most outrageous, but endearing, reason that he wanted me to have a girlfriend: he wants a swimming pool. Now how a person equates sex, or being sexed up, with a pool is beyond me, but then the logic of a young boy is a mystery anymore._

_Bones seemed to have fun on the "date". Parker really loves her, and when she handed me the spare key to her apartment building so we could use the pool anytime, I almost kissed her. That was a really nice thing she did for Parker. Now I need to work on the old brain box and get my shit together so these "dates" can be real in the very near future. Daddy does need to get sexed up, but only if it's with Bones. I only pray to God she doesn't get tired of waiting for my cowardly ass and finds some other guy to take care of any "urges" that have been building up since that whole two boyfriends bullshit last year. We're always told that God tests us in many different ways, and I have to admit that Bones is the test to beat all tests. Angela seemed to have it under control a couple of days ago when Parker stunned us all with _**that**_ phrase, so maybe I should talk to her about all this. Somehow I think she would be a better choice than my priest. He would just tell me I'm a pervert and tack on any number of Hail Mary's and Our Father's for some serious penance. When this is all over and I get the prize, finally, I'm going to beat the crap out of Sweets for putting those doubts in my head._

_One other item of note. I am now firmly convinced that forensic psychology, which is what Sweets was practicing today, and forensic anthropology, which is what Bones does when analyzing all of the surrounding evidence, are one and the same. The terminology may be different, but the analysis is the same. It sure was fun listening to Bones and Sweets compete by trying to validate their specific academic discipline. I can really have some fun with this if I push the right buttons. I just need to make sure that I don't piss off Bones too much. I still want her, after all._

**From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:**

_Oct. 10, 2009: Booth is still not well. Once again we had a conversation regarding sex, and this time it was with respect to his sex life, and he seemed comfortable. Upset that Parker was implying things of a sexual nature, but still comfortable discussing this with me. Granted this all turned out to be a very humorous thing as Parker explained why he wanted Booth to have a girlfriend, but it also allowed be to gage Booth further. I have a feeling that I will be seeing more of Booth and Parker as they will no doubt be stopping by to use my pool often._

_I'm getting increasingly frustrated, though. All this talk about sex is beginning to affect me. It's been a year since I last dealt with my own urges by indulging in sex with a man, and I am starting to crave having a night of sexual pleasure. The problem is I want Booth, but he is nowhere near ready to move our relationship to a higher level. It's ironic that I'm ready for this and he isn't. I am willing to be patient for a while longer, but not for long. If Booth doesn't show some signs of improvement soon, I will see if perhaps I can press the issue by going on a date. Whether sex will result on such a date I don't know, but maybe the idea of me going on a date will nudge Booth into confronting his feelings. It was his lie that we are now dealing with, so I feel justified in dealing with that lie as I see fit. I only hope that this doesn't backfire. _

_The only thing left is to convince Booth that all that tripe about psychology is useless since anthropology can supply all of the answers we need. I think I made all the relevant points to Booth, and was able to effectively rebut Sweets' arguments. Solid evidence rebuts a soft science any day. Sweets' doesn't have a chance, especially since Booth is the judge of this debate. Booth won't let me down._

_A/N: There is a lot more that could be done with this episode, but as I said above I am trying to keep the entries to a reasonable length. I think the quick, abrupt feel of them in this chapter gives a very good facsimile of the large number of issues involved in the episode, many of which weren't dealt with here. Thanks for the great reviews. Gregg. _


	5. Chapter 5

_I have been remiss in this one and I am now getting back to it. After being surprised, in a good way, at how they have seemingly ended the whole Andrew element in terms of a Bones relationship, I am now ready to continue writing this one and doing journal entries for each episode. Thank you for all the reviews on the previous chapters. I hope you enjoy this one. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**From the Journal of FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth:**

_Oct. 19, 2009: Those damn Squints. How the Hell can anyone move forward with something as important as kissing Bones when those brainless twits keep showing up with their piss poor timing? Is it too much to ask that after a horrifying week in which Bones actually accepted a date with Hacker of all people, that I get to make a move on Bones and have a kiss to show her that I'm the real deal, despite a few bumps in the road? Thank God this case at the Museum came along and interrupted that date she was on. I have the feeling that given that Bones so blithely announced that Hacker wanted to have sex with her, and then she later on accepts a date with the dweeb, that she would have been taking him home for a night of sex if we hadn't had a case come up. I just wish that she would understand how much such things that she does hurt me. I know she can date anyone she wants, and I opened the door on it this time, but she should have the sense to know that dating my boss is really below the belt._

_I don't know. Maybe this case, and all the events surrounding it made a difference. When I leaned in and almost kissed her, Bones seemed ready. She didn't pull back. She didn't try and hide behind that old line nonsense. It was really going to happen. The real question is am I ready. My doubts are still there. I know for a fact that I don't want her to be with anyone else. I know that she is beginning to get tired of this lie that I've managed to continue living behind. Or is that hiding? Despite the fact that he wants a pool to swim in, and that's his main motivation, even Parker wants Bones and me together. I just can't say the words. I think it's time to show her in other ways than words. The hand on the small of her back helps, but isn't enough. I don't know what I'm going to do yet, but it will be something with meaning. I think, though, that I'm going to talk with the Squints, and Angela in particular, and let them know that any encouragement from them to Bones that dating anyone other than me is a bad idea is now in order. I'll also drop a big hint that if they know Bones and me are alone, then stay the Hell away. Anymore of this interrupting my kissing Bones will result in someone being seriously hurt._

**From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:**

_Oct. 19, 2009: I'm confused. Booth's continuing lie is becoming difficult to endure, and I think I almost made a terrible mistake this past week. I am sexually frustrated, as I've mentioned in the past, and waiting for Booth to realize that this is right for us is not allowing me to deal with my urges. I hate that I have been reduced to thinking in terms of urges versus my feelings for Booth, and that is what led to my acceptance of Andrews dinner offer. I knew he was interested in having sex with me, and the look on Booth's face when I mentioned that, and then later the date, almost made me cancel on Andrew. The date was a disaster as all I could think of was that this wasn't Booth and that Booth was where my attention was focused. I don't think I've ever been so glad of a call about a case in the history of my partnership with Booth._

_And then that almost kiss. I wanted to scream when Angela and the others ended what was going to definitely be Booth kissing me. Angela has already apologized to me a number of times, and I believe her sincerity, but it does not take away from the fact that I didn't get to kiss Booth, and I still am sexually frustrated. At least a kiss would have allowed me to press Booth on the issue somewhat and possibly deal with my urges in the near future with him. I don't want to hurt Booth, but I have to be honest when I say that I don't know if I will go out with Andrew again, or some other guy who can help me take care of my urges. Booth has always told me that I need to use my heart more instead of my mind, and now that I am somewhat, I am completely confused and unsure. I hope that Booth regains what he is seemingly searching for and the lies can end. I want my Booth back, and I want what that almost kiss promises. I don't want to, but I think I need to discuss this with Sweets and see if he can help me regain my objectivity._

_A/N: I left these entries a bit open ended as was the end of the show which left us all wondering about what next. I think this hits the feelings, but gives that unresolved flavor to them that the episode seemed to hint at. I hope you enjoyed this set. The next set should be up in a day or so. Gregg._


	6. Chapter 6

_This short one brings us up to date with the fifth season. As I said when I began this story, I wanted to do a set of journal entries for each episode, and only branch off into an AU format if they had Bones get into a relationship with someone else besides Booth, or has a fling of some sort. Andrew doesn't count, so far, as it seemingly ended with one interrupted date. So this one is still on the basis of canon. I hope you enjoy this one and I'm looking forward to seeing what you all think. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.  
_

**From the Journal of FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth:**

_Nov. 10, 2009: I don't think I've ever seen Bones so down before as when she was worried about what Angela had said to her. She looked even more depressed when I told her I wouldn't help once I found out it was an argument between best friends. I really would do anything for Bones, like I told her. I'd die for her, and I most certainly would kill anyone who threatened or hurt her. I don't know if I got through completely, but when she was leaving the Diner and I took her hand, she had a look on her face like I had just made her day. Her patting the back of my hand sure made mine._

_I'm scared, though. Everything I've just said I'm sure is telling me that I really do love Bones. But I was also honest with her when I told her that I was really off upstairs. It makes that lie I've been hiding behind that much more important. I won't allow myself to begin something that may hurt Bones in any way if my mind is less than up to snuff. I felt like a fucking fraud when she told me she trusts me, yet she knows I've lied to her. It felt great to hear Bones try to reassure me and when she told me if I have any doubts about something about myself then call her. She was letting me know that she knows me. She may not be able to read other people, or get close, but she can with me. I think that conversation is probably the most meaningful and important one we've ever had since we first met and began working together._

**From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:**

_Nov. 10, 2009: I felt something. Twice. The first time was in the Diner when Booth took hold of my hand when I was trying to run from my mood. Just that simple reassurance from him that it would be alright made me feel warm and content, somehow. It was like a burden had been lifted. The second time was in the Founding Fathers when we were talking and he admitted to me that he was unsure of himself. It was my turn to return the favor. While I don't have Booth's skill with people, and the emotions frighten me most of the time, I think I now understand the phrase "It is better to give than to receive". This time I gave the simple comfort that a few words can give that tells someone "I care". It made me feel good. I also saw that while Booth is still hiding, he made one step forward from that dark place in his mind._

_I am concerned about what Sweets told me, though. Have I simply been using rules and logic to hide from the reality all around me? Has it made me into someone who doesn't know how to empathize with someone on a basic level? Was accepting the many dates and using all the men I've been with in the last few years to satisfy my urges simply a way of hiding from the reality of my feelings for Booth? If Booth weren't so unsure of himself I would ask him and have a serious discussion. But he's not ready for that. But when will he be ready? I am more content to wait than I was a couple of weeks ago, but what if someone like an Andrew Hacker comes along and I get sidetracked momentarily, even if nothing happens? Sweets has helped me see something about myself more clearly, so perhaps he has some insight into this as well. I'll have to think about this some more. For now, though, I am going to continue looking out for Booth and making sure that he gets back to being my Booth._

_A/N: The emotions in this episode were a bit broader than other episodes, so I wrote the journal entries broader than usual to keep that feel to it. I hope you all enjoyed this one. Gregg._


	7. Chapter 7

_Last nights episode was extremely well done in my opinion, and their were numerous elements in it that could legitimately be put in the journal entries of Booth and Bones. I decided to whittle them down to what I consider the bare essentials that deal with the bond between them. I apologize up front if someone's particular moment in the episode that really caught their attention is left out. I hope you all enjoy this one. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**From the Journal of FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth:**

_Nov. 14, 2009: Who do I trust? Gordon Gordon or Sweets? Now that's a tough one. Gordon Gordon has always been straight up, if a bit vague, but he tells it like it is. Sweets, on the other hand, is specific, but full of shit. Both are my friends. One tells me I'm not brain damaged and am definitely in love with Bones, hence my shooting is fine if I think about it right. The other tells me my brain is fucked up and my love for Bones isn't real. Add to that that Bones is worried about me and I have one hell of a mess._

_I have to say, though, that Bones worried is beneficial in one regard. She's really trying to keep the dynamic that we have intact. I'm the more serious one now because I can't get away from that dream, and she's beginning to add the humor to keep things light for us. She may not get all of it, but she's a whole lot more genuine than many of the people out there in the world. I realized a long time ago that that was one of the most powerful things that has always attracted me to Bones. There's nothing artificial about her, and when she says or does something, there are no hidden elements. I think she understands what it means to be a partner, friend, and soul mate better than anyone in the world, myself included. Now if she would just acknowledge the soul mate part we'd be in business._

_You know what though? The most powerful proof that Gordon Gordon is the one I need to listen was that smile that Bones gave me when we were having dinner sitting at the Chef's Table and I had asked her to go with me to my recertification at the shooting range. That smile, and the thumbs up she gave me with another smile when I recertified this morning are all the proof I need. I really am in love with Bones. I need to spend time being with her and undoing the damage that my lie has created, while at the same time being patient and having hope like Gordon Gordon suggested._

_There's only one other thing that is troubling. If Gordon Gordon is right, and I don't have any brain damage, then that means that Sweets either lied to me, or he is a complete cluster fuck when it comes to scans of a patients brain. Either way, regardless of the fact that he's a friend, he has to pay. I won't hurt him, or shoot him, much as I might like to, but I will have my revenge. Nothing public, or noticeable to anyone, but revenge will be mine. It's because of his bullshit that Bones went on that date with Hacker, and the one responsible for that horrid incident must be punished. Bones is mine, and Sweets has fucked with the master plan. _

_Enough of this. All is right with the world for the moment, and I can now get back to adding to the mental list of confession material as the impure thoughts are pouring in after seeing Bones smile like she was. I just hope I don't get excommunicated one of these days._

**From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:**

_Nov. 14, 2009: I've admitted my deepest secret this week. I would literally do anything if it would help Booth. I don't believe I've ever been more sincere in my life. Granted the admission was not what I intended to say to Gordon Gordon, but that man has a way of removing the layers and exposing, in an honest way, the secrets that bind a person emotionally. When Booth told me a week ago that he would kill, and if need be die, for me, I almost lost what control I had over my emotions considering the difficult day I was having after the argument with Angela. I'm a coward, though. Booth can admit all of that, and more, to me face to face. He deserved to hear my secret before anyone else, and yet it was Gordon Gordon who heard me say it for the first time. Does that make me a bad person? Does that make me any less in Booth's eyes, even though he doesn't know about it? I just don't know._

_My humor is working. Booth is enjoying my jokes. His smile when I say something funny is the first tangible signs that my Booth is nearing the surface. I wish I could see that smile every day when I wake up. It makes me feel like the world is alright, and I can feel safe. That's it, isn't it? Booth was unsure of himself because he didn't have anything tangible to hold onto and protect. That's why he wanted me at the firing range with him. To remind him of the one person, outside of his son, who depends on him. It was never about his skill or not getting enough practice. It was about purpose. Just like he gives me purpose, professionally and personally, I give him purpose. He hates what he uses a gun for, but because he needs to protect people he has become a master marksman. His unsure feelings about what has been happening these last few weeks, and the lie he built around his feelings skewed that purpose. I think Gordon Gordon has seen right through us and gave Booth the insight to know what was really wrong with his marksmanship. I wonder what Sweets would say about my sudden insight? He would probably be shocked at how well I've read this situation, even if it is a little after the fact. My talks with Sweets are helping, and he is a good sounding board for my concerns about Booth, so maybe I will tell him this coming week at our scheduled meeting without Booth present._

_For now, I'm going to go to sleep and dream about my Booth. The one who smiled at me and laughed at my jokes this week. The one who wants to protect me, and who makes me feel safe, no matter that I never acknowledge it. The one who makes the world around me worth living in and gives me a desire to understand it. The one I love, and hopefully I will have the courage to admit it to in the near future. Good night, Booth. I love you._

_A/N: The last line I added as I think that she is to the point that she realizes her feelings for what they are, but is still not able to vocalize them in a completely honest and unqualified way. Booth did lie to her and she knows it, so she needs to be sure and that means Booth telling her, in my opinion. That doesn't mean she isn't ready to say it in a journal after the events of this episode. I hope you agree and enjoyed this addition to the story. I'm really looking forward to next weeks episode with Booth's grandfather in it. Gregg._


	8. Chapter 8

_This episode where we got to meet Booth's Grandfather was an especially powerful episode in my opinion. It reminded me of many of the same feelings I have for my late grandparents, and the emotions that surround one when they see their loved ones in less than their past good health. I'm not sure if a single set of entries can adequately capture the power of this episode, but here is my small effort. I hope you all enjoy these and I look forward to reading how you feel they add to the overall story. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:**

_Nov. 22, 2009: I look across at Booth and I see a battered and bruised young boy who is trying to reconcile his feelings for the man who literally saved him from the one person he should have been able to count on, but couldn't, and the young boy who is now a proud, decent, and caring man who has had to realize that his Grandfather is not the same man he used to be. Hank is a delightful, loving man who has allowed me to see something of what Booth will be when he is old, and I am more confident of my inner feelings for Booth than ever before. I just wish Booth would understand how very proud that man is of him and what he has become. How could Booth possibly imagine that Hank wouldn't love him anymore if he doesn't have the time to work and take care of him? Hank, I am sure, would be the first one, after myself, of course, to shake some sense into him if he were to ever say such a thing to Hank._

_Last week I told Gordon Gordon that there isn't anything that I wouldn't do to help Booth. Having met Hank, I now know just how true my words were. Hank saw right through me from the beginning, and he also sees right through Booth's lie, whether he even knows of the specific lie or not. He was right. I do understand, and I made a solemn promise to Hank that I would one day tell Booth what his Grandfather said in the restaurant, and if need be hold my dearest friend as he deals with those feelings. I also understand that Hank was telling me that I'd be hurt even more if I never took a chance and let Booth know how I feel. Given how I've felt the last few months, and the serious regret I had in accepting that disastrous date with Andrew, I know that Hank's right._

_In many ways I myself owe Hank a debt of gratitude. Booth has been there for me all these years, and it is because of the kind of man he is. He got that from Hank, and as a result I am the lucky person who has Booth to rely on. I hope to one day soon visit with Hank and tell him just how proud he can be of Booth, not because of the work he does, or the service to his country, but because he befriended someone who desperately needed a friend and constant in her life, but didn't know it. Booth has always said that there is more than one kind of family, and I know that Hank is now a part of my family, just as much as Booth is._

_I think I'm going to have a little fun at Booth's expense. Angela told me that nicknames are a sign of affection, and since Booth doesn't use nicknames with anyone else that I'm aware of, I guess he has had a high level of affection for me from the start. I like the nickname that Hank has for him and I will start calling him Shrimp at opportune moments when we are busy with a lot going on around us. I can't wait to see the look on his face when I start doing that. If he liked my humor last week, he should enjoy this. For now though, I am going to close this entry and make sure my best friend, and the man I am now able to say to myself that I love, is okay._

**From the Journal of FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth:**

_Nov. 23, 2009: I woke up to something that I've only dreamed of. Bones. It wasn't next to me in bed, but she was sitting in a chair, asleep, next to my bed. I don't remember how on Earth I got here, or when. I only remember feeling like shit last night since Pops was back in the Retirement Home. I wish it was possible to say in words how much Pops means to me. Bones would have the words, being the great author she is, but I don't. I only have the emotions, and right now guilt is at the top of the list. I hate disappointing Pops, and I can't help feeling that I did somehow by not being able to be what he needs right now._

_I can't help but laugh at how easily Pops took to Bones. It seems like all Booth men love Bones. None more than me, of course, but Pops and Parker come in second and third, though who has which slot is debatable. Bones likes him, too. I think I could do without Pops and her having secrets, but what can I do? If I tried to force the issue on what Pops said to Bones she'd kick my ass, and then Pops would get rid of the remains. I can't get too worked up over it since I now know how I can get back at Sweets for his brain scan bullshit. Pops gave him the perfect nickname. Squirt! I am going to have some real fun with that one. Maybe I can even start calling him Cracker Jack Doctor from when Pops asked where he got his medical degree. I'll have to do some thinking about that. Now if I can only convince Bones and everyone to forget that Pops calls me Shrimp._

_Pops did do something that has made a real impact on me about Bones. He told me it was all inside in my heart. I wondered a week ago who I should listen to, Gordon Gordon or Sweets. Pops showed me that Gordon Gordon was the one to pay attention to. Maybe it's time to really grow a set and let Bones know how I feel. I'm not quite ready, but I'm almost there. For now, though, I want to spend the day with Bones and tell her about Pops. The Pops I know and love, and the man who made me who I am. I might even mention Pops remark about "crocheting" and see what Bones has to say. I'll show her who's squeamish about talking about _**that**_. "Proper" Pops said. Ha! I'll show them. Oops. Bones is waking up, so I better start the day out right and give her shit about worrying too much. Turnabout is fair play, after all. I just hope she doesn't bring up anything about those freaks at the fetish bar we went to for the case. Now that I will get squeamish about._

_A/N: For Bones I think she would come away from this episode having learned more about her feelings, and why she loves Booth so much. For Booth, it would be a mixed bag of guilt at Pops not staying, pride in his Grandfather, love for Bones, and further recognition that he'd done the right thing in going to Gordon Gordon the week before. The way the journal entries flow in this chapter I think reflect the smooth Bones, and the scattered Booth. I hope it works for everyone. Gregg._


	9. Chapter 9

_After some consideration, and a suggestion by Nyre the Black Rose, I have written this add on chapter to do a short aftermath to the last set of journal entries. The character of Pops was so well done in the last episode, that I wanted to do a conversation between Pops and Bones, and then another chapter after this one will be a conversation between Pops and Booth. Each of these takes place between the last episode and the next one upcoming. I did them in prose so I could bring back Pops and make it easier to incorporate him later if he makes a reappearance on the show. I hope you enjoy them. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Bones walked into the Willow River Retirement Community at a brisk pace. She'd been looking forward to this since talking with Hank by cell phone the previous day. She'd wanted to go and see him a few days after he had come back to live here and make sure that he was doing well, especially on his medications. She also wanted to discuss something important with him. Looking around she was pleased to note the very comfortable, and open environment that was maintained for the people who lived here. She knew that it was apartment style living, though nurses and aides checked on residents with special needs, like Hank for his medications. There were a number of indoor and outdoor common areas that provided a variety of areas for recreation and socializing. She knew that Booth had spent a great deal of time months before finding a good place for his Grandfather to move into after his bypass surgery, and it appeared he had chosen well. Not that she could see him doing anything less when it came to his 'Pops', but she was well aware of his difficult it was to find good facilities, and the expense was high. She would make some inquiries to make sure that neither Hank or Booth were having financial difficulties because of this place.

"May I help you?" a pleasant nurse asked as she approached a visitors desk.

"I'm looking for Hank Booth," Bones said with a smile. "He's a friend and I wanted to see how he is doing."

"If you'd turn around, Sweetheart, you could ask him yourself," came a familiar gruff voice from behind her.

Bones turned and smiled when she saw Hank standing there. She let herself be pulled into a hug. Although she was a bit uncomfortable, as usual, with such displays, she was more than happy to be hugged by Hank. She had done some serious thinking since Hank had returned to the Willow River and one thing that she had pondered was how Booth would be at Hanks age. She felt that it was likely that in Hank, she was seeing Booth in about forty years. It had convinced her to a high degree that Booth was indeed the person she wanted, and that Hank had been right. It would be worse to live with regret, than to actually take a chance. When he let her go, she let him lead her over to a very nice common are that had a wonderful view of the outside courtyard, and also had a small coffee shop which had that and pastries.

"Why doesn't anyone just drink plain old coffee nowadays?" Hank grumbled as he got them both a black coffee. "It takes ten minutes to get a clerk to understand that coffee means real, black coffee. You never would have seen anyone drinking all this fancy stuff back in the day."

Bones had to smother a grin. She didn't have the heart to tell him that his beloved Shrimp also drank some of the fancy stuff when they would go to Founding Fathers, or some other higher end establishment. She took a sip of the coffee, and while it wasn't her usual coffee drink, she had to admit that it was good. "This is good," she commented.

"Black coffee," Hank smiled. "So what are you really doing here? It's not just to see an old man."

"Maybe I thought I'd take up crocheting?" she said with a twinkle in her eyes. She'd laughed loud and long when Booth had told her what Hank had said about 'crocheting'. The blush on Booth's face had been the highlight of her day.

Hank laughed. "Shrimp put you up to that?" he asked.

"No, but I did have fun watching him blush as he tried to tell me what you said as an offhanded comment," she told him with a smile.

"Now if I were forty years younger I might have taken up crocheting with you, but you need someone who is a bit more lively, like Shrimp," Hank told her with a slight prod in the direction he wanted his grandson and this very special lady to move towards.

"Booth is what I wanted to talk to you about," Bones said as she, for the moment, ignored the prodding.

Hank got a very serious look on his face. "Is something wrong with Seeley?" he asked, clearly very concerned. "Does he need my help?" he added as he set down his coffee.

"Booth is fine, Hank," Bones told the older man. She could definitely see where Booth got his highly developed sense of over protectiveness. "Would I be here if he wasn't?" she asked, knowing that she was once again letting out a personal secret to someone other than who should be hearing it first.

Hank patted her hand with genuine affection. "No, I don't think you would be," he chuckled. "I don't think anything could get you away from him if he needed help."

Bones decided that any pretense was worthless with Hank as he'd pretty much proven he saw right through her while he was in DC. "You're right," she admitted. "The problem is, Booth lied to me."

Hank got angry at that one. "He WHAT?!?!?!" he said loudly. "Just what did he say to you?" he demanded. If Shrimp had been there in front of him he would be getting a damn good ass chewing. No one should ever lie to this wonderful young lady. He'd raised Shrimp a Hell of a lot better than that!

Bones spent a few minutes detailing her and Booth's history, hopefully filling in the gaps that Booth's information had left. Finally, she told him about that night a couple of months previously when Booth told her he loved her, but then promptly had qualified it with that 'in an atta girl sorta way'.

Hank shook his head. "I've always been so proud of that boy, but when he goes and does things like that, I just don't know," he said a bit crossly. "Shrimp had some real problems while you were gone, Sweetheart," he told her. He held up his hand before she could get upset. "They weren't because of you. It was that damn dream he had. It really messed him up."

"But why would he lie to me?" Bones asked. She didn't want to be too emotional, so she kept her tone as calm as possible. Not only was she still hurt by the lie, but she was worried for Booth. No matter what Hank said, she was well aware that her going to Guatemala like she had had been a serious mistake. When Booth retracted his lie and told her the truth, she planned on apologizing to him and discussing the whole thing.

"I don't know, Sweetheart," Hank said with a sigh. "But knowing him like I do, I have a feeling he did it because he felt it was protecting you somehow."

"I don't need to be protected," she protested, while at the same time she knew that Hank was right and that was the only reason that Booth would ever dream of lying to her.

"Maybe not," Hank acknowledged, "but remember what I told you. Everyone needs someone. You've got balls, well, solid brass ovaries, but you need my Grandson. He'll figure it out. Just give him some time. When he does, then you can kick his ass for lying to you."

Bones smiled. There would be a whole lot more than an ass kicking involved if she had her way. Like night after night of making up for the lost time when both of them had been so foolish. "I can do that," she laughed. She really liked Hank, and wished that he hadn't had to come back to the Retirement Community. If he'd been able to stay with Booth, then that meant that her time with Booth outside of work would have included time with Hank. Bones could see quite clearly why Booth worshiped his Grandfather so much.

"Just do me a favor, Sweetheart," Hank continued.

"Anything," she told him, and was surprised at how her unwavering emotional attachment to Booth was now manifesting itself with Hank.

"If you get tired of waiting, and want to see someone else until Shrimp gets his head out of his ass, make sure it's not someone he works with," Hank advised.

Bones slumped slightly. "He told you about Andrew?" she asked.

Hank nodded. "He didn't say you couldn't date someone, but you really hurt him by dating someone he works with. I'm just glad that is over with," he told her.

"It is," Bones confirmed with a nod. She looked at her watch and realized that she had to get back to DC. She stood up, and smiled when Hank immediately stood. Another revelation on where Booth got his manners. "I have to get back to Washington," she told Hank. "Booth is probably wondering where I am by now. Actually I'm surprised he hasn't called me since I'm not in the lab."

Hank went up to her and gave her a big hug. "Well I won't keep you," he said. "Just make sure you come and see me as often as you can. Okay?"

"I will, Hank," she promised him.

He called out to her as she was walking away. "If you need any help knocking some sense into Shrimp's thick skull, let me know," he told her.

Bones waved with a wide smile. She may still be somewhat upset over Booth's lie, but she felt better now having talked with Hank. Walking out the door, she had a new determination in her mind. She was more prepared to give Booth the time he needed, but she was also going to keep on getting as close to Booth as possible.

_A/N: I know it's a short prose one, but I wanted to add a couple of prose conversations with Hank and our favorite couple/non-couple. I hope that this one has added to the story and I look forward to what you have to say. Gregg._


	10. Chapter 10

_I'm glad that everyone liked the conversation between Hank and Bones, so here is the conversation between Hank and Booth. This one takes place the day after the last chapter. Now Booth gets an earful from "Pops". Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth was a bit nervous as he knocked on the door of Pops apartment at Willow River. Pops had called him that morning and practically ordered him to get his ass up here for a talk. It reminded him of the time he'd been suspended from school for fighting and Pops had hollered up the stairs for him to report front and center to explain himself. Pops had never laid a hand on him, no matter what, but the man could lay an ass chewing on someone that made you feel about a millimeter tall, if that.

"Pops?" he called out as he knocked.

"_Get in here, Shrimp_!" he heard the gruff voice come out at him through the door.

Yep. Definitely an ass chewing occasion, but for the life of him he couldn't figure out what was going on. Maybe he should have brought Bones with him. Pops would never chew him out with Bones there. But then Bones would laugh her ass off at him for being such a pansy. Better to just suck it up and take his medicine like a man. He reached for the knob and opened the door. Walking in he saw Pops sitting in the living room eating his famous grilled cheese sandwiches. Booth's mouth watered.

"These aren't for you, Shrimp, so don't get any ideas," Pops said firmly in his best no nonsense voice. "Get yourself a cup of coffee and sit down. I need to have words with you."

Oh God! No grilled cheese? Not even a bite? Pops must be seriously pissed. He poured himself a cup of coffee and sat across from Pops as his Grandfather slowly ate his lunch. Now Booth was sure that he'd screwed up royally. This was deliberate torture, and Pops knew it. The man knew knew how much he loved those sandwiches!

"Okay, Pops," Booth said when he'd been tortured enough with the smell of the sandwiches and watching Pops eat those slices of Heaven. "Why don't you tell me just what I've done to piss you off, and then we can share the sandwiches. How does that sound?"

"Your Bone Lady stopped by to see me yesterday," Hank said as he took another bite of a sandwich.

Alarm bells blared in Booth's head. What the Hell had Bones said to Pops? "And?" he asked, almost not wanting to hear the answer.

Hank tossed down the sandwich half he was working on and glared at Shrimp. "How dare you lie to her like you did!" he said loudly, not even trying to clarify what he was talking about, since he knew that Shrimp would know full well what he was talking about.

Oh SHIT! This was worse than Booth thought. Pops put an even higher premium on honesty than he himself did. Bones must also be pretty pissed if she came all the way out here to talk to Pops about it. Best to do some damage control.

"I told her I love her Pops," he began.

"I don't think so," Pops said, using his most common retort. "You told her that it was 'in an atta girl sorta way'. What the Hell were you thinking, Seeley?!"

Well, so much for damage control. "What makes you think I haven't been beating myself up over it since it happened?" he asked.

"At least you know how much you screwed up," Hank said with a grunt.

"I got scared, Pops," Booth admitted very reluctantly.

"Scared of what?"

"Sweets showed me some brain scans that were done before and after I had that surgery last May," Booth explained. "He told me that they showed that what I was feeling for Bones wasn't real."

"I told you he wasn't a real Doctor!" Hank said very loudly.

"No, he's a real Doctor," Booth grumbled. "I had him checked out when me and Bones had to start seeing him a couple of years ago. He just doesn't know shit about brain scans."

"Then why'd you listen to him?" Hank questioned.

Booth thought that his Grandfather would make a first rate interrogator. He was like a pit bull. Once he latched on, there was no stopping him.

"Because of something that Cam said to me a little before Sweets showed me all that stuff," he revealed. "She said that before I say anything about my feelings to Bones, I make damn sure of myself, because if I manage to get her to really open up and accept the idea of a relationship and it doesn't work out, then Bones will put up her walls and die a very lonely woman."

"How can she know that?" Hank asked. He'd been pretty sure that Shrimp had lied with the Bone Lady's best interests at heart.

Booth spent a lot of time talking about Bones and her past, and how hard it had been for her to get to this point. He talked about the men she'd been with in the last few years, at least the ones he knew about, and also the lack of men this past year since the two boyfriends mess.

"I don't know what I'd do if I hurt her like all those other schmucks have," Booth concluded.

Hank nodded. "All right," he said. "That's the first reason, now what's the other one. The most important one?" He was out on a limb, but something about how Shrimp was talking and holding himself made him think of someone who was holding something back. The reason he gave was true, Hank had no doubt, and may be a very important one, but it wasn't the most important, he was willing to bet.

Booth took a deep breath. He knew he was going to get reamed over this one, but it was something that had been on his mind almost from the time he'd become so enamored with Bones all those years ago. "I keep asking myself if I'm good enough for her, and the answer always comes back no," he revealed.

"Because you were a sniper, and then had a gambling problem?" Hank asked.

"That's part of it," Booth admitted.

"What else?"

Booth sighed. "You've seen her, and been around her, Pops," he replied. "She's gorgeous, wealthy, brilliant, and knows more about the world and been to more places than I ever will. She's so far out of my league it isn't even funny."

Hank nodded, knowing he'd been right. "Seeley, when your Grandma died, I asked myself if all the pain I was feeling right then was outweighed by the years we had together. I hated myself for even asking myself that. I loved that woman more than I can say, Seeley. But, I did ask myself that. I never felt like I was good enough for her, and she was a better person than I was. But I can tell you that if I hadn't had the balls to ask her out and then ask her to marry me, I would have had serious regrets my whole life."

"But Bones doesn't believe in marriage," Booth pointed out. He'd talked enough about Bones over the last few years with Pops that that was no secret.

"Yes she does," Hank said confidently. "I've seen the way she looks at you, and how she talks about you when you're not there. She just needs to have the time being with you so that she can feel safe in a marriage. But the one thing she doesn't doubt is you, Shrimp. That's why your lie has her so upset."

"So I should grow some balls and do with you did with Grandma?" Booth asked with a small smile.

"You should do what I told you the other day," Hank told him. "Listen to what's in that heart of yours. It already knows the answer. Don't let that young lady down, Shrimp. She depends on you more than you know, and if you let this continue on like this you'll only hurt her. She deserves some honesty. And as for being out of her league? I think she's already shown you that you're in her league, and no one else is, considering how she feels about you."

"I sure fucked up, didn't I Pops?" Booth observed.

"We all do when it comes to the women we love," Hank said sagely in his gruff voice. "Just make sure you don't hurt her anymore, or I may have to come down there and deal with you myself."

"I won't, Pops," Booth promised.

Hank smiled. He shoved the plate with two whole grilled cheese sandwiches over to his grandson. "Now you've earned your lunch," he said gruffly, but with a serious amount of affection in his voice.

Booth smiled widely, and then got a serious look on his face. "Thanks for setting me straight, Pops," he said as honestly as he could. "It may take a bit of time, but I'll make this right."

"I know you will, Shrimp," Hank said as he watched Shrimp inhale the sandwiches. "And when you finish eating, I'll kick your ass at dominoes."

Booth laughed. "You're on, Pops!"

_A/N: I thought about having Hank give Booth a serious ass chewing, but finally decided on having him chew him out a bit and then give some words of wisdom to make Booth think about things. I felt it would make bringing Hank back in later chapters as a sounding board for both Booth and Bones easier to accomplish. I hope you all enjoyed this one and thank you for the great reviews on the last chapter. Gregg._


	11. Chapter 11

_Last night's episode had some interesting events. It would be fun to look at all the characters, but at this whole series of looking at Bones/Booth through the season with journal entries and the occasional prose chapter. I hope that these two capture this great episode to everyone's satisfaction. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews on the previous chapters. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:**

_Dec. 6, 2009: Last night I saw another glimpse of the young boy in Booth. Watching him play that video game was a revelation. His face would light up with each achievement, and his lip would stick out in a pout when he lost a life. I have to admit that I enjoyed playing the game over and over with Booth. It's sad, though, that our enjoyment became possible on the heels of a tragic situation. I think I understand what Booth was saying when he empathized with the young boys father, though I am unsure just how much the autistic youth actually understood, and if his smile and seeming comprehension of the pleasure of the game, was real. Would Booth ever kill over such a thing if Parker had no understanding of records and titles and honors? No, but that doesn't keep me from knowing that he would still feel some sense of failing if such a thing had happened to Parker. It's what makes Booth who and what he is. It's the continuing influence of Hank as well. While I may push back against the over protectiveness that is displayed on occasion, I also appreciate the sentiment behind it. This case, and last night, gave Booth and I one more important step forward. Maybe the lie he's perpetuated will soon be a memory._

**From the Journal of FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth:**

_Dec. 6, 2009: Did last night really happen? Did I spent over five hours playing a video game with Bones? It helped, though. I can honestly say that I despise anyone who kills someone else, but I can't shake the feeling that this guy was doing what any father would do, even if it was out of a passionate rage. I don't think I would kill a man over something like this, but I can understand the emotions. Talking about it with Bones helped. Of course she reduced it to a lot of logical, scientific elements, especially about autism, but I saw in her eyes a glimmer of the faith that she has in me that I sometimes don't have in myself. Okay. Enough with the sentimental stuff. Now on to the really important things. Did Bones actually compliment me on my strength and dexterity? I believe the words were superior and superlative. I am going to be giving her shit about that for a long time to come, and keep dropping some hints to let her know that I want more with her. I know, I still need to grow a set, but until that happens I'll take what I can get from Bones and also keep on with the subtlety. I wonder how much one of those video games cost? I think I need to invest in one and have it smack dab in the middle of my living room. That'll get Bones to spend some serious time at my place. How much more obvious can a guy get??? I'll talk to Hodgins about a small friendly loan to make that possible. God I'm so whipped, and I'm not even getting any!_

_A/N: Probably not the best, but it's difficult to discern a whole lot from the episode that was focused. I debated on whether to continue their discussion about what constitutes a sport, but that deserves a prose chapter all it's own, not a couple of sentences in a journal entry. I hope you all enjoyed this one. Gregg. _


	12. Chapter 12

_The Christmas episode this year was one of the best in the whole series in my opinion. I was disappointed that they had her initially going to El Salvador as I would have thought that after the last couple of years she would have not done so during Christmas, though some real character growth was shown in this episode in and around that idea. I still want to keep the journal entries relatively small, so this set was a real challenge. I am intending on doing a one chapter prose addition for the next chapter that includes Hank, as I was disappointed that he wasn't in this episode. I hope you all enjoy this one. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:**

_Dec. 25, 2009: Two years ago I kissed Booth under the Mistletoe to satisfy Caroline's "puckish side". Last year I canceled a trip and spent Christmas morning with Booth and Parker. This year, though? I am beginning to believe in the miracle of Christmas if for no other reason than I had the absolute pleasure of personally stripping off Booth's clothes. If there was ever anything to prove the existence of Heaven, then it is this event. How many lucky women get to gaze upon such a perfect example of a male body? Perfect symmetry, excellent musculature, and, dare I say it, a perfect ass! The bulge in his boxer shorts, at least until Cam opened the door on us, was also a sight to behold, though it was more of a front view than anything that would be seen from a profile, so Cam was deprived of the sight, thank goodness. Booth's dependence on names of Catholic Saints to keep from being aroused wasn't working _**quite**_ as well as he thought it was, much to my enjoyment. I still get a bit angry when I think of Booth and her together three years ago. It is times like these that I should seriously kick his ass for that lie he is still hiding behind!_

_Have I really been creating a situation where I refuse to let people love me by arbitrarily going on digs during the Christmas holidays? That's what Dad and Booth seem to be implying, and while I still have some wariness about trusting Dad, I trust Booth and his opinion of me and the real world around us. I made Booth feel special by inviting him to the dinner I had for our "family". He made me feel special, and, I can also admit to myself, loved, when he joined me in attending the burial service for the victim and being there for his Mother. I think I've learned something about myself this year. I've been hiding all these years when I go on my trips, when I should have been here and taking strength from my friends and "family". I've denied myself for far too long. I think from now on I won't be making plans to be away during the holidays._

_I also learned that I can help someone like Booth has helped me for all these years. My cousin is someone I can identify with in how she approaches everything. Booth has taught, and is still teaching, me that it is okay to be different, but you shouldn't block yourself off from the world around you. People have opinions, and they need to let others know what they think, not simply a regurgitation of some saying and quotes from famous individuals. She listened to what I had to say, and I think I want to spend more time with her when we are able to. Dad may have forced this somewhat, but the results are positive. Margaret is intelligent, and thoughtful. I have to admit that her more subjective evaluation of Booth, on a physical level, couldn't be more wrong, though. Booth is perfect, yet she found issue with his eyes of all things. How can anyone fault those delightfully expressive brown eyes of his?_

_My only wish, outside of wanting to spend more time with Booth, is that he didn't have to go through so much bullshit in order to simply spend time with Parker. Perhaps it's time to lay the groundwork to making the custody arrangement for Parker more formal so that Rebbecca can't simply treat Booth as nothing more than a glorified babysitter. I will make some inquiries and when the time is right, present my findings to Booth. But not now. Now I need to go over to Booth's and spend a couple of hours with him. He looked like he could use the company when he left her a while ago. He may still be hiding behind his lie, but that doesn't mean I have to hide my personal desire to spend time with him and comfort him when he's hurting, which I know he is since all of Parker's presents are at his place under the tree he has. Damn Rebbecca!_

**From the Journal of FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth:**

_Dec. 25, 2009: This whole Christmas sucked! Well, not all of it. It's always great spending time with Bones, and I saw a side of her that rarely comes out. She was genuinely horrified at the thought of the victims mother feeling alone and unloved as she buried her son this morning. Bones showed her that wasn't the case, and I'm glad I was able to be a part of that. The dinner at Bones' place with our "family" was excellent, and Bones had most of my favorite dishes laid out. I have to chuckle at her initial "few words" when Max prompted her to say something. Thanks for coming and let's eat, or something similar. I helped her out on that one. I'm amused at how she compromised after she vehemently refused to allow a prayer in her home. A moment of silence was what she suggested. Maybe not a prayer, but she showed some respect for those who have some form of religious Faith. I'm proud of her._

_I could have done without being stripped down to my boxers and rainbow socks, though, and wheeled around the lab. Talk about embarrassing! Angela volunteering to perform any needed experiments didn't help, either. Nope. If anyone is going to be performing experiments on a naked Seeley Booth, it's going to be Bones! I'm going to have to do some checking because I think I'm the only one who got stripped down away from the prying eyes of the Squints. Bones sure was adamant about whisking me away to an empty lab room to do the deed. Damn Cam anyway for barging in like that! Reciting some Saints wasn't working too well and I was about to make my move at long last on Bones, but that got shot to Hell. Instead I got wheeled by Bones on a gurney out into the main lab area in only my boxers and socks. Talk about humiliating!_

_Then there's Parker. I live for those days when I get to have him with me, and at Christmas I want to be able to have at least part of a day so I can show him how much I love him and give him some nice gifts and let him feel the special nature of Christmas. I won't say anything bad about what Rebbecca does with Parker on Christmas, because there is nothing wrong by itself, but she should at least know that I have feelings, too. I would never deny her the chance to have some time with him if I had full custody, and she knows that. I don't know if I'll ever understand what I did to make her so vengeful and uncaring towards me when the subject is Parker. I've been shot, tortured, and beat up, but nothing hurts me more than looking over at the presents I have for Parker under the tree and knowing that I won't be able to give them to him until Rebbecca comes back from Quebec._

_Bones just called, though, and she's coming over. She's getting better at reading me, and she must have seen that I was not looking forward to coming home this evening. I really don't know what I'd do without her. Pops is still ragging on me to grow up and tell her how I feel, and he's right. I won't today, but soon. For now, I'll enjoy Bones' company. I just hope that I can be good company considering the mood I'm in. She deserves that at least. At least I can give her her Christmas present in private instead under prying eyes. I think I'll shut off the phone while she's here. That way no one can interrupt if a "moment" happens upon us. Well, I can hope._

_A/N: I spent a lot of time watching and rewatching this episode to try and distill the better moments, in my opinion, down into journal entries. I hope the wait was worth it and that you enjoyed these. I will be posting the next chapter of Friends With Benefits tomorrow as I finally have finished the rewrite of the chapter and am doing a final edit tonight. I will likely be publishing a new story (a one shot) tomorrow as well, or perhaps this evening. At the very least, let me wish you all a Merry Christmas. Gregg._


	13. Chapter 13

_Now that we have a new episode to work with this past week, I am back at working on a journal entry to deal with it on the part of each of our two protagonists. I had considered adding some more prose since the last entry, but ended up waiting for the new episode. This one isn't too significant as the episode was more of a mystery set up than anything especially laden with heavy subtext, but I came up with something that I think works. I hope you all agree, too. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:**

_Jan. 18, 2010: Is it possible to feel as if an evening was the most romantic of your life, without any real romance taking place? If anyone had asked me before last night, I would have said no without hesitation. Once again, though, Booth has shown me why I love him so much, and why I am working to wait for him to move beyond his lie._

_My Mother would sit and watch the stars with me and we would name the constellations. I felt safe and loved when those evenings would happen. Last night I spent the whole evening, and a good bit of the night, on the hood of the SUV watching the stars with Booth. We joked and bantered like we always do, and while the subtext wasn't lost on either of us, the anxiety and pressure wasn't there like it usually is. It felt nice. To be honest, I was more in tune with my "heart" as Booth would say, than at any other time in our friendship. The smile on his face and the amusement over the ideas we shared with each other on the issue of beings from another planet showed me once again why he has broken down the barriers I created a long time ago to protect me. With Booth I don't need that protection. He's there to protect me. Even a year ago I would have been horrified at that idea, even though I knew my feelings were what they are now, despite the missteps with the two boyfriends and with Jared. Now, though, I like the thought that Booth protects me emotionally. I reserve the right to protest his protection on a physical level, though._

_In some ways I am ambivalent about returning to Washington, DC. Will the seeming magic (I know, magic doesn't exist, but I'm trying to see things with my heart, not my mind, so I think I can be forgiven this momentary whimsy) remain, or will this wonderful feeling fade and be replaced by the anxiety we always feel when the sexual tension and the effects of his lie rises to a high level? I'm hoping for the former, and I think Booth is, too. I think I'm going to call Hank when we get back and talk to him about it. He'll know what to say that will allow me to understand what is happening. It's very comforting knowing what Booth will be like in forty years just by looking at his Grandfather. It makes the lowering of my barriers for Booth worth the risk._

**From the Journal of FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth:**

_Jan. 18, 2010: Man last night was perfect! I had Bones all to myself on the hood of the SUV in the desert looking up at the stars. It's funny. We can have the most incredible, yet tense, quality time at either of our apartments in DC, but nothing has equaled how perfect last night was. This whole case was a trip, and some pretty strange things happened, but last night made all of it worth it, including seeing Bones about jump out of her skin while I lost my gun to a magnetized MRI machine and body. We won't talk about losing my gun, though. My lips are sealed. It didn't happen!_

_Where was I? Oh, yeah. Bones and me on the hood of the SUV. No tension, no urgent feelings as if I had to decide if this was the right time to admit I lied. Just the two of us enjoying being together watching the most beautiful sight in the world: the night sky and shooting stars. I also saw something that took my breath away, though I hid it, I think. Bones had a look on her face when we were discussing aliens that told me she felt safe. It was like all the pain and anger within her from all the years of disappointment were gone while we were there. I think I saw a glimmer of what Bones was like before her parents left. I hope I get to see it again soon._

_But what will going back to DC bring us? I'm still hiding behind that damn lie, and I know she's getting upset again over it. I think that she's not going to do anymore dating, thank God, but will her anger over my deceit prevent us from making any progress because of all the tension and anxieties it's creating? Once more I want to line Cam and Sweets up and be a one man firing squad for all their bullshit that caused me to lie to Bones. Maybe I need to have another talk with Pops. He seems to have all the good advice these days, even if he withholds the grilled cheese sandwiches until I get my head out of my ass on the discussion day in question. Maybe it's time I started doing what I've told Bones to do all along. Use my heart and not my head._

_A/N: I know that this didn't really delve into the episode, but I wanted to do a little introspection on the final scene where they are on the hood of the SUV together. I hope you enjoyed these two entries. Gregg._


	14. Chapter 14

_I decided to do a couple more prose chapters with Hank. After the last journal entries, I thought it appropriate and would allow me to explore what Hank thinks about the stargazing. Here's the first one. Thanks for all the great reviews of the last chapter. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Hank Booth was sitting back enjoying a classic movie on television. He'd always enjoyed Cary Grant, and one of his favorites, _Father Goose_, was being broadcast. He was laughing when Cary Grant grabbed the microphone and blurted out "_This is the Filthy Beast speaking..._", but was interrupted when his phone rang. He sighed. It just figured that when a really great movie was on, he'd be interrupted. He picked up the phone and answered.

"Hank Booth speaking," he said into the phone.

"_Good evening, Hank. I hope I'm not disturbing you_," came the very welcome voice of Dr. Temperance Brennan.

Hank smiled. He always had time for Shrimp's Bone Lady. "You could never disturb me, Sweetheart," he said with a fond undertone. The short time he'd been able to spend around her had made it abundantly clear that this was the one who was set on this Earth to make his Grandson happy. It was also pretty damn obvious that Shrimp made this special lady very happy, too.

"_That is not a logical statement,_" came the ever logical and literal reply. "_If you were asleep, or using the rest room, or having a sexual encounter, crocheting I think Booth said you call it, then I would most definitely be disturbing you._"

Hank laughed. He loved how this lady looked at the world and was not afraid to speak her mind. It was very refreshing, and one always knew where they stood with her. "You may be right, Temperance, but I always look forward to our conversations," he replied.

"_As do I_," Bones said, the genuine affection clearly in her voice, and also the appreciation for what he'd said.

"So how was New Mexico?" Hank asked. Both Temperance and Seeley had called him individually to let him know that they would be out of town for a time on a case. They both kept him in the loop so he wouldn't worry if they didn't call as often as they normally did.

"_It was an interesting case, and I had an opportunity to work with human flesh which reinforced my decided preference for purely skeletal remains,_" Bones told him, which told him that she had not enjoyed some of the trip. "_But the last night that we were there was a very enjoyable experience._"

"Oh?" Hank asked. Perhaps Shrimp had finally grown some balls and told this lovely lady the truth.

"_We spent all of the evening and a good bit of the night on the hood of the SUV watching the stars_," Bones informed him. She was still thinking back on the experience that she'd shared with Booth on that night.

"Really?" Hank said as he nearly dropped the cup of coffee he was drinking. Maybe Shrimp didn't need as big a kick in the ass as he thought. Can't get much more romantic that that. Maybe the boy wasn't as clueless as he thought.

"_Nothing happened, though_," Bones continued.

Hank sighed. Okay, Shrimp really was that clueless and needed that swift kick in the ass. _**AGAIN**_!!! "Nothing?" Hank asked. "He didn't even hint about what he really feels?"

"_That's what I wanted to talk to you about_," Bones said, now a bit nervous.

"What's the matter?" Hank asked gently.

"_I'm still concerned about the lie, but that night felt so right_," she said hesitantly. "_Usually when we spend time together, it's wonderful, but there's always that feeling that something's missing, or not being done right. But that night on the hood of the SUV I didn't feel any of that, and I'm sure Booth didn't either. At the same time, though, it was the most romantic night I've ever experienced, even though nothing overtly romantic occurred._"

"And you want to know why," Hank observed. He'd been pretty sure that something like this would happen if Shrimp let down his barriers, but didn't add in something blatantly romantic. Temperance was ready for something romantic, and wanted it, but the signals she was receiving were confusing her.

"_Exactly_," Bones replied.

"I'd say it's because he's getting ready to let his own walls come down, Sweetheart, and being comfortable with you like that was his own way of testing the waters," Hank told her. "He told me about his line."

Bones let out a harsh breath. She hated that line and all that it represented and what it had caused to happen in the last three years. "_I should kick his ass for ever coming up with that damn line_!" she said in a caustic tone.

"Right now that line is keeping him from making any sudden moves, but for a good reason," Hank told her.

"_I don't understand_," Bones said almost instantly in a soft voice.

"He knows how important the work the two of you do, is, and he also understands how important it is that the two of you be able to work together," Hank explained. "I think the line is allowing him to lower his walls and be comfortable around you, while at the same time proving that the two of you can be closer and not have it affect your work."

"_A platonic experiment_?" she questioned as she thought about it.

"That's my guess," Hank offered.

Bones thought about it for a minute. No matter how much she tried, she couldn't find a reason to dismiss the possibility. Booth had always been very protective of their partnership, not just her, and she knew that he was very well aware of her extreme reluctance to work with anyone from the FBI, or any other agency, but him. He also knew how much the work they did meant to her, over and above the satisfaction she derived from her work in Limbo and other archaeological/anthropological projects. Once again he was protecting her, but this time he was also protecting himself so that when they finally began a genuine relationship it had as much of the potential problems worked out ahead of time. Logical, sound, yet utterly frustrating. She smiled as that was how Booth described her on occasion, with good humor and affection, of course.

"_I don't like the confusion_," she said finally.

"But you'll accept it and wait for him to be ready?" Hank pressed, knowing that while she may push Seeley, and if it went on long enough she may even date someone for a time until Seeley challenged her on it, she would accept it.

"_I guess I'll have to_," she said with a sigh. She wasn't so concerned about the waiting considering the previous night, but she still was not pleased. Hank had, though, given her something that allowed her to tamp down her frustrations over Booth's continuing lie.

"Don't worry, Sweetheart," he assured her. "It'll all work out, and if I'm right, last night will make things back in DC a lot easier for both of you."

"_Thanks, Hank_," Bones replied. "_I need to go now. Booth will be here in about ten minutes. We have a meeting with the prosecutor in a case we closed three weeks ago. Do you still want me to come visit you this weekend like we had planned_?"

"Of course," Hank said instantly. "I may even teach you to make my grilled cheese sandwiches."

"_That will drive Booth crazy_," Bones said with a chuckle.

"That's the point!" Hank laughed. "I'll see you this weekend, Sweetheart."

"_By, Hank_," Bones said as she closed the cell phone.

Hank settled back on the couch and was pleased to see that there was a bit of the movie left. He decided that he would call Shrimp the next day and give him another nudge. The boy seemed to be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, but just needed a little more incentive to finish the journey.

_A/N: This was only a short one, but I wanted to do something with Hank, but also develop in a quick way the point I made in the last set of entries about the romantic feel of the whole stargazing night with no overt romantic actions. Next up will be Hank having a talk with Booth. I hope you all enjoyed this one. Gregg._


	15. Chapter 15

_This one is not related to my recent story Don't Waste Your Time. I spent a couple of days rewatching the episode The Proof in the Pudding to try and get what I wanted for these journal entries as relates to the theme of this story. As the Don't Waste Your Time story indicates, I don't think much of the Hacker character, and my approach to him, and Booth and Bones feelings about it are skewed from that, so any inaccuracies that may be perceived in the Hacker character are from by own personal biases. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews for this story. My prose chapter with Hank speaking to Booth will be next. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**From the Journal of FBI Agent Seeley Booth:**

_Jan. 22, 2010: I don't know if I can trust my government. I love this country and what it stands for, but some faceless bastards have been perverting what it stands for all these years. I always believed that what I did as a sniper was justified because my government said it was important. Maybe it was, but I don't **know** now. Now all I have is hope._

_After all the "discussions" me and Bone have had on faith, hope should not be too hard for me to have, but it is. But what Bones did for me, even though I know she lied, makes me have some small ray of hope that with people like her involved, then maybe there is something to love and respect within our government since she's there to keep them honest, even if it is in some small measure only for some poor schmuck like me. _

_Those remains were JFK's. I know Bones lied. For the first time I saw something in Bones "soul", for lack of a better word, that told me that she was putting aside her absolute belief in complete honesty to give me some measure of comfort. I'm torn up inside, but I put a brave face on it because of what Bones did for me. Pops left a message on my cell asking me to call him. I wonder what that's about. But it doesn't matter because I need to talk to someone, and he'll know what to say. He always does. _

_The only other thing I want is to slam my fist right in Hacker's mouth and cram his fucking teeth right down his throat. He's still trying to make a play for Bones even though she hasn't gone out with him since that one horrifying (for me, at least) half date a couple of months ago. And what the Hell is Bones doing smiling at that pathetic pansy and half encouraging him with that "I would have liked to see that, Andrew" comment??? Was she flirting with him? Once more I want to beat the shit out of Sweets for all his brain scan bullshit! I will most definitely break some of that walking pimple's bones if **MY** Bones goes out with Hacker again, and I won't be held responsible if a certain FBI psychologist/profiler turns up missing if Bones has sex with Hacker, which image makes me want to hurl everything in my stomach. I better call Pops before I get too worked up. He'll know what to do._

**From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:**

_Jan. 22, 2010: I lied to Booth today. I violated my core belief in honesty and the search for truth in order to try and protect the man I have been in love with for a long time now. Cam said I was a very good person in doing so, and I want to believe her, but I just don't know. Booth seemed to be relieved when I told him what I did, but the pain I saw behind his smile tells me his is still very disturbed by what we thought was the case. I've never had the deep commitment to what our government says that Booth has, but even this whole incident has shaken something in me. I don't think I will be working on any outside projects for government agencies except for my work with the FBI and Booth for a long time to come._

_I also messed up once again regarding Andrew. I have no intention of going out with him again, but when he came in trying to flirt, I made some comment that could be looked at as returning his flirtation. It wasn't my intention, though. I was trying to be sarcastic, but I don't do that well. Instead of that perfect smirk that Booth has, I smiled. The look on Booth's face was not very nice, though it was directed at Andrew, thankfully. I'm going to have to deal with this soon, and also press Booth to end his lie._

_For now, though, I need to get a bit of rest and then this evening go and see Booth. I don't want him to be alone once he wakes up. He needs some support after all of this. I could see the pain in his eyes as he carried out the experiment, and if it is anything near the what he felt before he began to work through his demons, he's going to need someone to be there for him. He's always been there for me, even when I had hurt him with some foolish thing I've done. I can't let him lose what makes him **MY** Booth. _

_A/N: A little vague at times, but I was going more for emotions in this one rather than a rendition. I hope it captured the right tone, along with the skewing that I give each of these chapters so that the B/B aspect remains fully intact. Thank you for all the continuing reviews. They've been great. Gregg._


	16. Chapter 16

_Here is the prose chapter that has the conversation between Pops and Booth after the episode The Proof in the Pudding. I figured that Bones could speak to Pops right after the time in New Mexico and that Booth could speak to him after the confidence breaking incident regarding his trust in the government. I hope you all enjoy it. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth looked at his cell phone as if deciding whether to make the phone call or not. He needed to talk to Pops, and his Grandfather had been trying to get a hold of him since the day before, but he was so wiped out from the emotional roller coaster he'd been on the last few hours that he wasn't sure he was in the right frame of mind for a talk with Pops. He'd just wrote down his thoughts in his journal, which he'd kept faithfully since he'd given up gambling, but it just wasn't as cathartic as it usually was. With a deep sigh he pressed #3 on his speed dial. He felt a bit bad about that placement, but Bones was #1 on his speed dial and Parker was #2, so Pops would understand. He listened to the familiar musical pattern that Pops had on his cell phone and smiled. Techno music. The old man never failed to amaze him.

"_Hello? Hank Booth here_," came the welcome voice. It was gruff, as always, but had that soothing quality that Booth never tired of hearing.

"Hey, Pops," he said, knowing his tone wasn't all that great, but he couldn't muster anything else.

"_Seeley_?" Pops asked. "_Is something wrong? Is it Parker? That Bone Lady of yours_?"

Booth had to smile. His Pops was as protective, if not more, of his loved ones as he himself was. That he immediately picked up on his somber mood and thought instantly of Parker and Bones spoke volumes of the "heart" that Hank Booth wore on his sleeve.

"No, they're okay, Pops," he assured him. "It's me that's not doing so good."

"_Do you need me to come down there? I can get a bus ticket and be there in a couple of hours, Seeley_," Pops said firmly. He worried that maybe Seeley was having more trouble with that brain tumor business. He'd been assured by Temperance that Seeley was completely rid of that damn thing, but with cancer no one could be 100% sure. He knew. His wife had died of that damn stuff.

"No, Pops," Booth admonished. "You stay there. I just..." he couldn't just out and say it. He should be taking care of Pops. Not the other way around.

"_You just what, Seeley_?" Hank asked gently.

"I just need someone to talk to, Pops," he said quietly.

"_Tell me what's wrong, Seeley_," Pops told him simply. No prompts, no cajoling, just a simple order: tell me what's the matter and we'll work it out together. That's the way it had always been between them.

Booth spent the next hour explaining about the night on the hood of the SUV and then the events of the night before. He was using an encrypted phone and Pops had one using the same encryption, which Booth had gotten on the sly from some techs at the FBI. The NSA and other agencies did not break encryption sequences once a tag on the sequence identifying it as a fellow US intelligence agency encryption was recognized. His conversation of last nights activities would not be listened in on. It was hard talking about what had been discovered, and then relating how much it felt like being kidney punched knowing that the government he'd always revered had lied about something so fundamentally important. He also explained what Bones had told him, and that he knew she'd lied to him. By the time he'd gotten it all out he was drained.

Hank, for his part, was not surprised. He'd been in two major wars and seen a lot of things in his life that had jaded his view of their government, despite his love of country. He hadn't been called on to do the things that haunted his Grandson, but he'd seen a lot. If nothing else he could maybe shed some light on possible reasons for the government's lie on the JFK matter.

"_I want you to think about some things, Seeley_," he said finally. He started to remind his Grandson of the precarious fragility of the world, and the high level of emotions that were prevalent at the time that JFK was assassinated. The Cuban Missile Crisis, the situation in Vietnam which was demanding either an escalation or a withdrawal, the Berlin Wall situation and the high state of alert of our troops in West Germany, and the highly unstable issue of race relations which later in the 60's exploded in several ways, were just some of the things Hank talked about. Then he asked his question. "_If the government hadn't lied about the assassination, and it turned out to be a foreign operative from the Eastern Block, or it had been a hit ordered from the mob, or any of a number of sensitive sources what would have been the fallout of it_?" he asked.

"Fuck," Booth slowly said as a light went on in his head. He didn't mean to curse, but it was the only thing that fit such a scenario and the likely disastrous conclusion.

"_Yeah_," Hank agreed. "_I won't lie and say our government is pure as the driven snow when it comes to what it's done and the reasons for it on a lot of issues, but I think it was right when it comes to JFK. Looking at all the missions as a sniper you carried out, can you think of a single individual you were sent to take out that didn't deserve it, putting aside the other issues_?" he asked, thinking of Seeley's last mission where the targets young son was right there witnessing his father's death.

Booth closed his eyes, hating the memories, but thinking off the intelligence files he had practically memorized on those missions. He sighed, and reluctantly answered the question. "No," he replied.

"_I know you don't agree with me, but you don't have any reason to be ashamed or guilty over what you did in the military, Seeley_," Hank told him sternly, but with a lot of love behind the words. "_The world can be a pretty ugly place, and sometimes ugly things have to be done to keep that ugliness from spreading. I'd much rather have the men who find it hard and soul searching doing those things as opposed to the men who find it easy. The ones who find it easy are the ones who turn into the sick bastards in the world who make it an ugly place at times. I sleep better at night knowing that there are men like you who are ready to do what is necessary, Seeley._"

"Thanks, Pops," Booth said softly.

"_And so does Temperance_," Hank added. "_She may not say it right at times, and hides behind her facts and science, but think about what she sacrificed for you this morning. For her, honesty and truth are the same as your love of country. Even when she slipped and brought up our less than illustrious ancestor, she never doubted you. This morning she did what our government did over 42 years ago. She lied to give you some peace._"

"Yeah, she did," Booth said after a moment of thinking about that.

"_Now about that special lady_," Hank continued.

Booth groaned. He'd wanted to talk about her with Pops, but had hoped to put it off for a few days until all this had died down. Pops, though, was a determined old cuss. "I don't know, Pops. That night in New Mexico was perfect," Booth told him. "I need to see if it can be just as perfect here before I can do anything."

Hank scowled. "_Didn't this morning teach you anything_?" he growled. "_How long is it going to take before you start listening to that big heart of yours? Or is it going to be too long and she ends up hooking up with some putz like Hacker?"_

Booth grimaced and his fist clenched when the name of his supervisor was said. God he hated that pathetic wuss. "I'll take care of it soon, Pops," he said with a nod of determination. He may not come right out and say anything to her yet, but he would make some inroads. More dinners and lunches. Asking her over to see some movies. Keep her time occupied on a regular basis and show her that he is serious about something with her, while he works out a couple of the remaining pieces of the puzzle that that little shit Sweets created.

"_You better, Shrimp, because if I find out you fuck this up and she doesn't end up being my __granddaughter you and I will have a long discussion,_" Hank said with a full on growl. "_Understood_?"

Booth winced. He could well imagine such a discussion and it wasn't pretty. He didn't have the heart to tell Pops that Bones didn't believe in marriage and that his Grandson would be living in sin once the relationship and the fun began, but that could wait for another day. He'd let Pops work on Bones about that issue. If anyone could get Bones to warm up to the idea of marrying one Seeley Booth it was Pops. "Understood," Booth said with a smile.

"_Now you go and get some rest_," Hank told him. "_And Seeley? Don't ever forget, no matter what happens in this world, or what you have to do, I'll always love you. Never forget that._"

"I love you, too, Pops," Booth said, the deep feelings he had for his Grandfather coming to the surface. "I'll come up to visit real soon."

"_And bring Temperance with you_," Hank ordered. "_And if Rebbecca will let you, bring Parker_."

"I will, Pops. Bye," he said as he hung up. He looked over at the side table and saw the three pictures he had there. One was of Pops, one of Parker, and the last one, but the largest, was of his Bones. He decided the world was a pretty good place with those three in it. With a smile, he went to get some rest. If he knew His Bones she would show up early in the evening and check up on him. He needed to be wide awake for that.

_A/N: A little deeper than I'd originally intended, but I think it got across some very important ideas. I hope you all enjoyed it. The regular journal entries will continue with the next new episode. Gregg._


	17. Chapter 17

_I was impressed by last nights' episode. The various scenes between Booth and Bones were very well written and acted out. A very big step was taken by both of them and I hope that these two journal entries reflect that. Thank you for all the great reviews that this story has been getting. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise._

From the Journal of FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth:

_Jan. 31, 2010: Did I hear this right at Founding Fathers? Did Bones say she believes in love and that I taught her that? Did she imply with her look and smile as she said it that she was in love with me? I'm not certain, but it sure seemed like it. It makes that evening in New Mexico all the more important. I see Bones now as someone who is looking for something very positive and long term. Someone who believes in something with a more emotional label like love as opposed to a scientific rationalization dealing with chemical interactions. It's a far cry from the emotionally walled in woman I met five years ago, despite the fact that I fell in love with that same woman all that time ago._

_It's strange. I've spent so much time looking out for the ones I care about the most, that I didn't realize that I had as much to learn from Bones about that as I've apparently taught her over the years. I created a double standard and it wasn't fair. Jared deserved better than what I did, and Bones let me know it. Even Sweets was against me on this one. I wanted to hurl when Bones told me that she was ill at the thought that I had possibly misled her about Max if what I was doing to Jared was how I really felt. She left me to think of what I had done, and I think I passed an important test of sorts that she was giving me. My reward was that toast she gave. Now I just have to take the lessons learned, and the advice Jared gave me, and make amends with Bones so we can get beyond the lies and bullshit. I will be having a talk with Sweets, though. He was supposed to have my back on this whole thing with Jared and he left me flailing in the wind feeling like an ass. Sweets is a guy, or at least half a guy until he takes the training wheels off, but he should know by now that guys stick together. With that brain of hers Bones counts as two people, so Sweets is supposed the be evening the odds here, not making the odds insurmountable._

_But I digress. Bones is saying something. It could be that she loves me, or it may be a more general comment. I need to think about this one some more. It's nice to know, though, that she now believes in the concept of love. Maybe God is giving me that sign I've been asking for for the last however many years. I sure hope so. Now I just have to keep her away from that putz Hacker._

**From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:**

_Jan. 31, 2010: Have I given away too much? Did I reveal what I've been hiding these last few months before Booth is ready to hear what I want to tell him? The toast I made was true. I do now believe in love as a concept, and Booth is the one who taught me that. Good or bad it is a reality. I'd like to believe that it is a good thing. _

_I was startled by one glaring realization this week, though. I have come to depend on Booth far more than I have let myself believe. Is it so bad that he is worried about his younger brother, his family? No. But he also taught me that everyone deserves a second chance. I now have a relationship with my Father, and also my brother, because of what Booth has taught me. To see Booth ignore that made me anxious, and physically ill at the very suggestion that he may have created a double standard. If he had done so, then how could I possibly trust him with that which I have apparently entrusted him with: my emotional well being. I can admit that last, though it is only recently that I have allowed myself to do so. I'm glad that he took what I tried to tell him seriously. My trust and, dare I say it, faith in him was proven valid._

_But where does this leave us? I effectively told him I love him, though I don't think he has thought of the implications of what I said. If he had, then we would right now be engaged in the most important conversation of our friendship. But once again, I place my trust in him to eventually see what I inadvertently, but truthfully, said in my toast. I'm tired of the lies and prevarications. This had better be resolved soon. I hope that it will be. For now, I will be happy that my Booth didn't let me down._

_A/N: I hope that these two entries aren't too vague. As I've said before, I'm going for more of the emotional feel than anything else. I thought that this was a very important episode as it displayed the growth that Bones has had in the last couple of seasons, this one especially. Thanks again for the continuing reviews. Gregg._


	18. Chapter 18

_I don't know how well this will go over, but given the disturbing sides that have come to light about later in the season, and some of the implications that can be found in this episode, I felt it important to lay some of the groundwork now so that I can do the journal entries with some cohesion later on in the season. As I've said before, I go for more of the emotional content in these journals, so the vagueness has a purpose. Thank you all for the ongoing reviews that have made the continuation of this story possible. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**From the Journal of FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth:**

_Feb. 7, 2010: The case went quick. Quicker than I imagined it would. Talk about creepy! The macabre feel of it is still haunting me to a degree. There are times where I wish I had a normal life, and a normal job where I could remain blissfully ignorant of the sadness and suffering that exists in the world._

_I watched Bones closely during this case. After her toast last week, I've been doing a lot of thinking. She's changing, and for the better. Not that she wasn't great before, but this new Bones is someone who can exist in the world and feel like she is a part of it. She's also noticing some of the nuance. Like when that patient who believes he's a doctor said all the things she's been saying about the weaknesses of psychology. You could see a glow about her that she had found something of a kindred spirit. It got me remembering back on her speech over a year ago on my birthday where she said that she would no longer be attracted by the shiny baubles. What about Hacker, though? Or how about this supposed doctor? She's honestly considering the value of emotional attachment and feelings, but she's showing that they also attach to others. My lie brought this on, I know, but it still hurts. My optimism is a bit low at the moment because what if by the time I work through all of Sweets' bullshit she's moved on because she's tired of waiting for me to get my act together? The feelings she has now are some of the most powerful a person can experience. I don't think even Bones can be impervious to the pull of them and what they have to offer._

_I do have one ray of sunshine in all of this. I mentioned a while back that I was worried about religion possibly being a major stumbling block between us. Our arguments over the years can attest to that. But last night me and Bones had an honest discussion about faith being challenged and how to deal with it. She may not believe in God, but the faith she has in the complexities of the world around us showed me that her belief is also in something higher than just ourselves, whether a deity or not. I just hope God, and also the overarching complexities of the world, are enough to get me through all this and that Bones is still waiting for me._

**From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:**

_Feb. 7, 2010: Booth and I actually had a discussion about a religious topic and we didn't argue about it. It was refreshing, but disturbing at the same time. I asked him how he deals with those times when his faith is shaken, and he gave me an honest answer, but he had nothing to say about me being a part of how he is able to deal with that. I told him my personal belief, but I left out one important fact. Booth is what makes all of what I said possible. I consider all the things I told him, and the symmetry that is revealed is staggering, but it is only when I am able to talk with Booth about the things that are disturbing me that I am able to look at the symmetry being revealed with anything approaching equanimity. He is the foundation that my faith rests upon. But what am I for him? His lie is making me question something that I have always taken for granted since meeting him, and really taken for granted since I acknowledged to myself the full extent of my feelings for him. Am I really ready for what Booth seemingly offers, or am I being pulled in too many directions because I still see the shiny baubles? Is Booth perhaps a shiny bauble that I tease myself with, despite my feelings for him? How do I know for sure? I hate to even consider it, but perhaps pushing him a couple of months ago by accepting a date with Andrew was the right thing to do. Maybe I should reconsider my precipitous decision to not date Andrew again. I'm just so confused. I am especially confused because I know what Andrew is really after, and that is sex first and foremost. I want Booth, but I also recognize the pull of my own biological imperatives. Can this situation with Booth withstand me possibly dating Andrew again with the very real possibility of having a sexual relationship with him since Booth is clearly not ready to end his lie? I'm going to have to think about this for a long time. Maybe learning to acknowledge these feelings after so many years of denying them is too much for me. Why did you have to lie to me, Booth?_

_A/N: As I said, this sets up the ability to deal with the sides that have been bandied about, but also allows me to disregard the implications in this set of entries, particularly Bones', if the sides prove to be inaccurate. I'm sorry about the rather maudlin cast to these, but the episode disturbed me somewhat on the emotional side of things as it relates to B/B. I look forward to any comments. Gregg._


	19. Chapter 19

_I thought I would add this journal entry since we don't have a new episode coming for a while. In this one, I let Pops have an entry of his own. I think that the emotions of the entries last posted would have been the incentive needed for both Booth and Bones to have another discussion with Pops, individually, of course. Here is Pops thoughts in the aftermath of those talks. I hope you enjoy this one. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**From the Journal of Hank Booth**:

_Feb. 9, 2010: I just don't know about that grandson of mine. He has the perfect woman for him to spend his life with, and be really happy, and he's blowing it. This is all his own fault. His Bone Lady, while she makes mistakes sometimes, is blameless in this. Seeley lied to her. The one person he needed to be honest with, and he lied to her. Now she's beginning to question whether it's all some game. _

_A game? I guess from her perspective when Seeley tells her how he deal with challenges to his faith and he doesn't make mention of her it makes sense to question whether she really is the one for him. Perhaps she is right in wanting to find a connection, even if it is physical, while she waits for Seeley to be honest. The trouble is, she's heading back in the direction of Seeley's supervisor. Hacker I think his name is. From what Seeley's told me, the guy's nothing but a pathetic suck up who wants her for only one thing. Now I've never met this putz, but Seeley knows how to read people and I trust his judgment on things like this. The question I have is how someone so smart, which Temperance obviously is, could even think of spending time with someone like that? I just hope that she doesn't take this so far that she loses Seeley. I told her that it was horrible to have to live with regret, and if she doesn't get together with Seeley, she will have a lot of regrets._

_And what about Seeley? He's messing up the best thing that has ever happened to him outside of Parker being born. When I think of all the undeserved Hell Shrimp has been through in his life, I could just scream. Yeah, I know, I'm sounding like that Old Lead Bottom Captain Binghamton from the show McHale's Navy, but I can't help what I feel. Now all of that weighs so heavy on his mind and heart, he's losing the one shot he has at complete happiness. Anyone with eyes can see it, and how frustrated, and lonely, Temperance sounds when she talks to me about Seeley's lie tells me that she can see it, too._

_I may be an old man, but I know what my life would have been if I hadn't had the courage to ask the woman who I married out on that first date. It's not a pretty picture. Seeley's in the same boat. He's a better man because of Temperance. I can see it. I also think she's become a better person because of my Grandson. I don't know her as well as I do Seeley, of course, but I have a feeling about that. Seeley always seems to bring out the best in people. Especially those he cares about. I want him to have the happiness I had with his Grandmother. I know he can have that, and more, with Temperance. I've done pretty much all I can, so it's up to those two. I'll be here to listen, but they have all they need to figure this one out. I just hope they do figure it out before it's too late._

_A/N: A little addition to set up the possible sides that have been floating about. This, like the last set of entries, is open ended enough so that if the sides are not correct, then it can be just chalked up to some drama in the story. Thank you for all the great reviews each time this story is updated. Gregg._


	20. Chapter 20

_I'm writing this after only one viewing of the new episode, and without the benefit of next weeks 100th episode, but in the vein of leaving my options open is Bones does indeed date Hacker again, and Booth dates someone else as well, this continues in the more thoughtful frame of mind for both of them. I hope that this is an alright addition to this ongoing story. I'm sorry it has been so long since an update, but this whole thing is driven by new episodes, so the hiatus really messed posting new chapters up quite a bit. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**From the Journal of FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth:**

_April 6, 2010: I'm worried about Bones. For the first time she seems unsure of herself when it comes to her writing. Why couldn't that Japanese magazine have sent someone who cares not only about the characters, but also the science and mystery, too? Bones is right. The whole arc of the novels in terms of the mystery being solved, and the science incorporated, are incredibly well done. Hey are extremely important elements that shouldn't be lightly dismissed. I don't know if I was such a good friend when I tried to explain the fascination of the characters, though. I felt like I was pulling the wings off of the proverbial fly. And then there's Angela. Bones admitted that the people aspect is coming in many ways from Angela. I'm not knocking Angela, especially if she's the inspiration behind page 187, but I _**KNOW**_ Bones. She_** IS**_ a people person. She _**CARES**_. She _**FEELS**_. Does she really feel that she couldn't have produced just as good a novel without the extra help?_

_Then there is this whole issue of Bones being anxious to try out what's on page 187. God I almost offered my services right then and there. But once again the fear that she isn't ready reared it's ugly head. I want something like that to happen when she isn't questioning herself. Isn't questioning her abilities. Does that mean I have to wait and possibly watch her date someone else again? Maybe. Can I deal with it if that someone is Hacker? I don't know. All I know is, is that Bones isn't ready for us. I think she was before I lied all those months ago, but she isn't now. Not when she's questioning herself and her place with those around her. I do know that Hacker has been seen talking with her lately whenever she's around the Hoover Building, and she hasn't told me about it. She knows I don't like the guy, and she also knows that I seriously disapproved of her originally going out with him, so the signs are there that she is considering the idea of going out with him. I only hope that she doesn't get hurt, and that it doesn't ruin what I _**KNOW**_ we can have together._

_For now, though, all I can do is go to confession and ask for forgiveness for continuing the lie, and then lie my ass off to Sweets. I know I should feel happy for the guy now that he's proposed and is going to get married, but it was his bullshit that is keeping me from being happy with Bones. I guess another talk with Pops is in order. I only hope he doesn't withhold the grilled cheese sandwiches again. Now that's just cruel._

**From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:**

_April 6, 2010: I was confronted with evidence, empirical evidence, that perhaps I am not as ready to be with Booth as I thought I was. I thought I was comfortable with who I was as a writer. Now I am reduced to questioning the value of my novels. I want people to experience the beauty and joy of the science and mystery that I bring to my work. I don't want people to see only the filler, no matter how fun it may be. I know Booth enjoys the filler, but he also sees the side that I've always wanted to have appreciated. He's talked with me a lot over the years about the science and mystery. He wants to know what it is that I bring to the experience of our work. He's made me feel special that way._

_But what if we were in a relationship? Do I see enough of the people part of the world to give him what he needs in a relationship? No, not needs. What he deserves. I'm not so sure. In the past I used men to avoid the pain of Booth's line. Now maybe I need to see if being with someone else will make me see that Booth really is the one for me. I know that sounds horrid, and somewhat akin to cheating on him, but I need proof. I need the empirical evidence. Because if I am Booth's soul mate, which, even though I, intellectually, disagree with the concept, I think I may very well be, he deserves to have a relationship with the person who isn't full of questions about her value to him. Not value in a monetary or materialistic sense, as that would be archaic and demeaning to me, but in the intangible sense. I want Booth to look at me like I remember my Father looking at my Mother. I want him to be able to say that being with me is not a mistake, or a fluke, but something that was real and has a completely solid foundation._

_I know Booth may be very angry with me, and that this may ruin any chance I have of being with him, but perhaps I should accept another date with Andrew. I will have to think about this for some time, though. I only hope I don't make a grave error._

_A/N: I didn't bring in the scene with Bones giving Angela a large check for a reason. As good as a scene as that was, I felt it would detract too much from the purpose of this chapter. It would fit in Bones comments about her book, but I felt that it would be better served as a one shot of it's own that I am considering tapping out sometime. I hope you all enjoyed the hurried set of entries. Gregg._


	21. Chapter 21

_To be perfectly honest, I'm having difficulty coming to some focus on this chapter of entries. As a result I am going to likely write two add on chapters involving Pops and Angela to come into play with this one, so this episode will have a three chapter arc. I hope that it works, and that the entries I came up for for this episode work for everyone. These deal much more with the angsty emotions that each would be feeling when they are at home alone after that. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**From the Journal of FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth:**

_April 8, 2010: Is Bones right? Will an us fail? Will we be hurt? Will it ruin the best professional partnership that either of us have ever had? What a fucking mess. I don't think I'll ever forget that scared, petrified look on Bones' face when I took a chance tonight. When things fell apart after our first time working together I was hurt, and it took a long time to get over what I had been feeling for her. Now I'm facing the same thing, but it hurts so much more. Now I have to move on, if only to make being around her possible. But can I move on? She makes my current life possible. I stopped gambling after meeting her. I began to feel like the world had space in it for Seeley Booth. The last five years after we began working together all the time have been the best years of my life, if extremely aggravating when seeing her with other men. Now because I had to listen to Sweets it's all in ruins. Sweets is wrong. It needs to be her, not the gambler. Her fears, and what she stands to lose is so much more than what I could lose. Ever since she got back from Guatemala last year she's made so much progress in how she looks at the possibility of love and relationships, and now because I decided to listen to Sweets, yet again, she's back in her shell. The worst part of all this is, is what if I find, now that being with Bones doesn't seem possible, that there's no one out there for me? Everything that I believe in, and Bones proved to me by her very presence in my life, about fate and soul mates, despite her non-belief in those ideas, is now in doubt. What if the real lie has been the last six years? What if I haven't been just lying to Bones the last few months, but instead been simply lying to myself the last six years?_

**From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:**

_April8, 2010: What have I done? The man I want, the man I love, finally is willing to take a chance and I refuse. I tell him I'm broken. That it won't work. That it can't work. I made a mockery of his trust and belief in me, as well as his own personal beliefs. It's like what I did six years ago, only this time it won't be either of us walking out, but both of us staying until this partnership, and likely our whole friendship, implodes. Angela once told me that I needed to catch up to my reality. Now I know that she was telling me that if I didn't find out what my heart needs, then it would fall apart all around me. Can I deal with seeing Booth involved with another woman? Can I be with another man knowing that Booth will be hurt by it? Either, or both, of those scenarios could destroy the one thing we have left: our work. I placed work above Seeley Booth. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself, and when the partnership ends, which I can't see how we can make it work despite our best efforts, I don't think I'll be able to compartmentalize. I went out with a guy once a few years ago and it was a disaster. It didn't even last beyond dinner. He said I was a cold bitch. I was offended, and promptly forgot about it. Now I'm thinking maybe he was right. Only a cold bitch would shatter Booth like I did tonight. What little trust in psychology I have gained from Sweets is now gone, and I will never let myself be taken in by a soft science again. I only hope that one day Booth can understand and forgive me._

_A/N: These two entries are done based on emotions of the characters. Bones' came from the almost frantic, and near crying she evinced when she told Booth no and then in a terrified way asked if they could still work together. The emotional content of the entries will make more sense when the next two add on chapters with Pops and Angela are done. I should have the first one posted tomorrow and the second one the day after that. I hope you all enjoyed this one. Gregg._


	22. Chapter 22

_These two extra add ons to the journal entries of Chapter 21 provide a bit of a twist. Instead of the usual turn to person for advice for Booth and Bones, in these Booth goes to Angela and Bones goes to Pops. In this first one we see Bones visiting with Pops and tries to deal with what she's done. I hope everyone enjoys it. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Hank Booth was sitting in the living room of his assisted living apartment looking at the woman who had shown up a few minutes before. Temperance normally called ahead when she wanted to visit, but he had no trouble with her showing up unannounced. Something was obviously very wrong. She looked as if she hadn't slept all night. Her eyes were a bit red and puffy, but not overly so. More like she'd been sobbing rather than crying. He'd given her a cup of herbal tea. He hated the stuff, but once he'd found she liked it, he'd made sure to keep some on hand for her visits.

"What's the matter, Sweetheart?" he asked after she seemed to settle down a bit. Her agitation was telling in her body language, not just her red and puffy eyes.

"I hurt Booth," she said softly. Her body rocked slightly as she recalled the pained expression on Booth's face the evening before. They'd gone to dinner after she'd turned him down, but her emotions had shattered her once she'd gotten home and was by herself.

Hank looked at her carefully. "How?" he asked, gently.

Bones spoke quietly, but with deliberate calm. She explained that Sweets' had asked them to read his manuscript and then they had told him that he had been wrong about when they had began to work together. Bones explained the original case, including the personal dynamics and what happened at the end of it.

"Sweets told us that it didn't change the fact that we are in love with each other," Bones continued.

Hank was not pleased that the Cracker Jack doctor had pushed this so much, especially after what the kid had done a few months before. "What else did he do?" Hank asked, knowing that Sweets had to have done something else.

"He told Booth that as the gambler, he had to be the one to make the first move," Bones explained. She lowered her head. "When we got outside, Booth did."

"And you got scared," Hank said sympathetically. He'd known from the start that if this remarkable woman and his grandson were to ever get together like they should be, then it would have to be her to make the first move.

Bones nodded her head. "I told him no. We couldn't be together. What if it didn't work out? Where would that leave us? I can't lose him," Bones said rapidly, her fears coming to the fore once again.

"Why are you so sure it wouldn't work out?" Hank asked curiously. Shrimp had told him a great deal about his Bones over the years, including how her self-confidence and trust had been sorely abused over the years. He had a good idea what the problem was, but he wanted her to tell him.

"Because he deserves better than me," Bones said with conviction. "I don't know if I believe in love, and I don't think I have the ability to make someone like Booth happy like he deserves. Something inside me is broken."

"Don't you think that he deserves to make his own decisions about what he does and does not deserve?" Hank asked. He went and got her another cup of tea.

"But how could he possibly think I could make him happy? Look at what he had with Rebecca and how that turned out," Bones pointed out, trying to be rational, all the while knowing that she was dealing with something that simply could not be equated with rationality. Booth had taught her that, and she'd come to embrace it these past months, but she'd selfishly tossed it aside the night before.

Hank sighed. "Do you understand just how much you've given my grandson?" he asked.

Bones looked confused. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"Seeley was in a bad place when he was with Rebecca," Hank told her. "He was gambling a lot, and his heart wasn't in a relationship that was doomed from the start. He asked her to marry him when they found out she was pregnant with Parker. It was out of personal integrity and taking responsibility for his actions, not love. At least not the deep, all consuming love that marriage needs."

"What does that have to do with me?" Bones asked. She recalled the time she met Booth. He was still gambling then, though he was genuinely trying to quit, and he did seem to have his mind distracted.

"I remember when he first met you, really met you," Hank revealed. "He called me. He told me he'd met someone _**real**_. That was how he put it. _**REAL**_. You didn't take any shit from anyone, and were totally confident and had some real balls."

"Women have ovaries," Bones corrected absently.

"Okay," Hank chuckled. "Real ovaries. The point is, I could tell that he had found something that he needed to be able to get past his demons."

"But I didn't do anything," Bones protested.

"Oh yes you did," Hank said in that endearing, growling drawl he had. "You challenged him. You pushed him. For the first time in a long time Seeley had someone to admire, and also someone who didn't just fall down kissing his feet. It was good for him."

"But I slapped him and told him I hated him at the end," she told Hank, repeating the part of the story she was ashamed about from that time six years before. "Given how his father treated him when he was a boy that's the worst thing I could have done to him."

"But you had no way of knowing that, and he knows that, Temperance," Hank told her. "I think I know what the real problem is, Sweetheart."

Bones looked at him and was almost desperate enough to beg him to tell her, but she didn't. She simply waited for him to reveal it to her.

"Your heart knows what it wants, but your mind is forcing you to question every bit of good evidence you have about Seeley's real feelings," Hank told her. "Yes, he lied to you a few months ago, but your heart knows the truth."

"But Booth said he's the heart person and I'm the brain person," Bones tried to sort this out.

"In your work, yes," Hank agreed. "But look at what he's shown you outside of work. He's told you about the difference between sex and making love. He's willingly talked to you about his beliefs, even if you don't hold those beliefs. He stood up and took a bullet for you in that club a couple of years ago, and I know for a fact that he would do it again if it meant you were safe. There are a lot of other things I could mention, but your heart already knows. Maybe it's time for you to listen to your heart and let your mind see what's been in front of you for a long time now."

"But Booth said six years ago that fraternization was forbidden, even with consultants," Bones added. "He even backed it up a couple of years later with his Line."

"Are you afraid that the two of you won't be allowed to work together anymore if you take this chance?" Hank asked.

"Booth gave me a life outside of the lab, and beyond meaningless flings," Bones admitted. "I can't risk losing that, and I can't risk losing him. He means everything to me." That last was said in a bit of a whispering tone, but it rang out loud and clear.

"Are you prepared to lose out on any chance you have for a life with him?" Hank asked. "Because you're likely going to have to deal with the consequences of this. Like seeing him with another woman as he tries to move on. And I assume you'll see other men. Maybe even that ass Hacker again."

"I don't know," Bones admitted honestly.

"I'm not sure what I can tell you, Sweetheart," Hank told her. "I would love nothing more than to see you and my Grandson to be together. But I also know that you're the only one who can say for sure what you are willing to give. I told you once that regret is a terrible thing to live with."

"Any worse than what I've been through in life already?" Bones asked.

"I'm going to tell you what I told Seeley sometime back," Hank replied. "When his Grandma died, I hurt. Really bad. The person who meant more to me than anything was no longer there. I'm ashamed to say that I asked myself if all those wonderful years we were together were worth the pain I was feeling right then."

"Were they?" Bones asked.

"Yes, they were," he told her as he handed over a photograph of his late wife that he kept in his pocket all the time. It had been taken just before she'd been diagnosed with cancer a year before she died. "I can only imagine the regret I'd have lived with if I hadn't gotten up the courage to ask her to marry me. She turned me down three times, you know."

Bones' head shot up. "Three times?" she questioned.

Hank chuckled. "She was afraid I wouldn't survive the war," Hank told her. "Looking back on it I can't blame her for being scared. But her heart won out in the end."

"Do you think Booth will ask me again to be together?" Bones asked, nervous about any answer that could be given.

"Maybe," Hank told her. "But I had something to keep me going. She was honest with me about her reasons. Something tells me you didn't give Seeley the whole story."

"No, I didn't," Bones admitted.

"Look, Sweetheart, you may not be ready, and that's okay," Hank told her. "Seeley was hasty last night, and that so-called head shrinker scared him into acting before the two of you had dealt with reliving that time six years ago. You need to do what you feel is right. If now isn't the right time, then it's not the right time."

"But what if it never is?" Bones asked, almost more scared of that than having to face Booth when they got to work in a couple of days.

"Then it wasn't meant to be, even if you don't believe in such a thing as fate," Hank smiled. "But there is one thing I want you to know. No matter what happens, or doesn't happen, I'll always think of you as family."

Bones almost broke down, but instead hugged him fiercely. That last bit of reassurance meant more to her than he could have possibly known. "Thank you, Hank," she told him sincerely.

"Now how about sitting down to a game of dominoes with an old man?" he asked. "I feel like a real challenge. I only let Shrimp win so he can brag about it. He needs to have that ego stroked every now and again."

Bones chuckled. "I'd love to," she told him as she moved to the dining room table with Hank as the older man got out the very old, and from what she knew very valuable, domino set. She was still uneasy about everything, but Hank had given her an anchor to hold onto as she dealt with this. Once again a Booth was giving her something to believe in. She only wished she could deal with her troubles as easily as Hank seemed to make it out to be. For now, though, she would enjoy an afternoon of dominoes with a very dear friend.

_A/N: I hope that this short conversation with Pops gives some more of my own views as to what happened at the end of the 100th episode. This also leaves the door open to the resolution we all eventually want, but also leaves the door open to it not happening if the wretched powers that be maliciously tinker with fate and destiny. I look forward, as always to your comments and opinions. Gregg._


	23. Chapter 23

_Thank you for the great reviews on the last two chapters. This one has Booth seeking advice, but not from Pops, but instead he decides to talk to Angela. I hope that this one is as good an addition as the last one. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth took a deep breath and knocked on the door in front of him. He'd spent a long night fighting the urge to fly to Vegas and gamble. The only thing that kept him from doing so was the simple fact that he'd made the ultimate gamble the night before and lost. He wanted nothing more than to find Sweets and rip his balls off for what he'd done. Instead he'd spent the night mentally kicking himself for probably ruining the best thing, outside of Parker, to have come into his life. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't even see the door open.

"Booth?" Angela asked, concerned at how distant the man seemed. A sudden thought came to her mind. "Is Bren okay?!" she asked, almost panicking.

That brought Booth out of his daze. "What? No, Bones is okay" he assured Angela. Then he sighed. "Can I come in? I could really use someone to talk to."

Angela could tell that he hadn't slept at all the night before. She moved to the side. "Come on in, Booth," she said, trying to stay calm. Obviously something traumatic had happened. She led him to the couch and sat him down, and then went to get him a cup of coffee. She knew from Bren how he liked his coffee so she prepared it that way. She set the cup down in front of him and sat across from him in the easy chair. "What happened, Booth?" she asked. If the man couldn't talk to Bren about this, then something was horribly wrong.

"I gambled last night," Booth said as he took his poker chip from his pocket and set it down next to the coffee cup.

The entire Squint Squad knew of his gambling addiction, and the fact that since he'd began working with Bren he hadn't gambled.

"Does Bren know?" she asked. Bren would be instantly at his side and helping him, but the question had to be asked.

Booth nodded. "Yeah, she knows," Booth replied. "I gambled on her and lost."

"Booth, that doesn't make any sense," Angela replied when he didn't elaborate.

"Sweets said I'm the gambler. It needs to be me," Booth said, still in somewhat of a daze. Something inside knew he wasn't making much sense, but his heart had been ripped out. He'd barely managed to hold it together when he and Bones had had dinner, but after that he'd gone into this daze.

Angela gasped. She'd seen a glimmer in Booth's expression, and now it fit. "You asked her to give the two of you a shot," she said. The only reason he would be here now and not with Bren having some totally awesome sex all day long was because Bren had hid behind her fears.

Booth only nodded, his misery still keeping him from fully communicating, even though it was him that had needed someone to talk to.

"What'd she say?" Angela prompted. She felt a bit guilty. She'd seen the incredible growth in Bren this past year since Booth's surgery. It had been little short of miraculous. If she'd been thinking straight, instead of worrying more about her own personal life, she would have had a long talk with Bren and make sure that her best friend realized that this was going to happen sooner or later. Maybe Bren would have said no, but by the looks of it Bren had freaked, and shattered Booth in the process.

"That it was impossible," Booth replied. "That she was a scientist and that she couldn't change what she was. She really freaked out, Ange. She looked terrified when I said I needed to move on and she asked if we would still be able to work together." He let his head sink down into his hands.

Angela nodded. Bren would be devastated if she couldn't work with Booth anymore. The worst aspect of this would be that it would be Bren's own damn fault. "Working with you means everything to her, Booth," she told the forlorn agent.

"But is that all it is?" Booth asked, knowing it wasn't and that it wasn't fair to even think such a thing of Bones, but in his current state he couldn't help it.

"Remember when it all fell apart after your very first case together, a year or so before the Cleo Eller case?" Angela asked.

Booth snorted. "Remembering that damn case was what got Sweets so pumped about me being the one to push the whole relationship idea," he ground out through clenched teeth. He wondered if Caroline would prosecute him if he beat the shit out of Sweets and reduced the twerp to a quivering coward the rest of his life. Then he thought about the reaction that Daisy Wick would unleash on him and he squelched the thought. He wouldn't wish Daisy Wick on his worst enemy.

Angela pressed on, but she would be having a little chat with Sweets once she was done with Booth. "She told us what happened when she slapped you and said she hated you," Angela explained. "She was angry with herself, but couldn't bring herself to apologize. She didn't know how. But everyday for almost two months she would come in to work and ask if you had called and had a case we could help you with. She recognized the importance to her that you would have even back then."

"Is that why she blackmailed me so I would let her work on the Cleo Eller case so much?" Booth asked.

"She didn't feel that you would want her around, so she did what she felt was necessary to make sure that this time it would be a partnership," Angela nodded. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," Booth replied, visibly deflated. "She asked if this meant we couldn't work together anymore, and I told her we could, but I just don't know. Maybe it'll work for a while, but how much can a person be expected to take?"

"Look at it from her side, Booth," Angela told him. "You're easily the most important person in her life in her opinion. But you scare her. When you were shot and she didn't know you were alive? She was nothing more than a damn robot. When she came to tell us that you had a brain tumor? She was already shifting herself into that completely detached, clinical person she hides behind when she's sure she's going to lose you. In her mind she's probably terrified of what she would become if something happened to you and the emotions of a relationship are involved. She barely holds it together if something happens and you're not together."

"So thanks to Sweets I really screwed up," Booth concluded.

"I wouldn't necessarily say that," Angela said after a moment. "This was something she needed to hear, Booth. She knew you lied to her when she got back from Guatemala. Now she's heard the truth. Truth and knowledge are everything to her in her mind. But is she ready? Will she ever be ready? That's something only time will tell."

Booth was really trying to absorb what Angela was saying, but all he could focus on was how he'd constantly seemed to make a mess of things with Bones. The Line. His seeming to be okay with her dating Sully. Not calling her personally to let her know he was alive when Pam Noonan had shot him. Not declaring his feelings for her in London which in turn probably was what led her to try and have the two boyfriends immediately afterward. Listening to Sweets and his bullshit about brain scans which led him to lie to Bones about the way he loved her. Not making it clear to Bones about his feelings when she announced that Hacker wanted to have sex with her and that she had accepted a date with him. Not telling Hacker that there was something between himself and Bones which would have led to an honest conversation between himself and her. Not taking a chance and recognizing the moment they had when they were stargazing in New Mexico. The list went on and on in his mind.

"I don't know if I can sit on the sidelines as if nothing is wrong anymore," he admitted. "It tore me apart to see her with Sully. The thought of her possibly being with Hacker so she can hide from what happened last night makes me want to hurl. The worst part is all I want to do is see her happy, but I _**KNOW**_ that she's happy when she's with me, and I _**KNOW**_ that she will be even happier if we were really together."

"I don't know what to say, Booth," Angela told him. "I want the two of you together, and so does everyone else who _**really**_ knows you guys. But this is something that Bren has to realize for herself. She's scared, and is hiding. Will she hide behind sex and casual flings? I don't know. Maybe she'll just hide behind work for a while and then be willing to talk to you. But I'm asking you, Booth. Don't do anything rash."

Booth stood up. "I'll try," he promised.

"Where are you going?" Angela asked. She wanted to know in case she needed to speak to him if she heard from Bren.

"I don't know," he replied. "Probably go see Parker for a couple of hours and remind myself that there is something in this world that I haven't completely screwed up."

Angela led him to the door. "You didn't screw up last night, Booth," she told him.

"You didn't see the look on Bones' face when she was practically pleading with me not to end the partnership after she turned me down," Booth said somewhat morosely.

"Booth?" she said as she laid a hand on his arm. "Anytime you need to talk..."

Booth smiled slightly. "Thanks, Ange," he said with honest appreciation. "I'll let you know."

After Booth left and had driven off, Angela opened her cell phone and called Cam and then Hodgins. She let them know, in an abridged form, what was going on. This had the potential to affect everyone at the lab and they needed to be prepared. She didn't violate any of Booth's confidences, but she did let them know that times were likely going to be tough for a while. She was not looking forward to seeing Bren when her best friend felt the need to talk about this. First thing Monday morning she was going to go and have a little "chat" with Sweets in his office and let him know just how much damage he'd caused. Not only with this, but with all his other BS as well. Maybe after that he could be part of the solution rather than a prime cause of the problem. She was happy, though, that Booth thought so highly of her that he chose her to talk to about this. She promised herself that she would make sure that he felt able to do so at any time. It was the least she could do.

_A/N: A little shorter than the discussion with Pops, but I thought that a conversation with Booth and Angela wouldn't be terribly long. I was going for more of the emotional element of it. I hope that you all enjoyed this one. BTW. I added a bit to the aftermath of the genuine first case that Booth and Bones worked on together to give this a bit more emotional focus. I hope no one minds that bit of literary license. Thanks for the continuing reviews and encouragement. It is sincerely, and humbly, appreciated. Gregg._


	24. Chapter 24

_I have been thinking on this one for some time and really don't know if this is a good set of entries. The episode was a good one in my opinion, and the emotional aspect could be approached from a couple of different purposes. I want to keep these in the vein of their emotions towards each other, and now that we have the 100th episode to work from, unfortunately, I am going on pieces of the episode where body language, facial expressions, and some of the dialogue are seemingly indicative of what is happening between them personally. I hope that these two entries make sense to all of you, and fit with your perceptions of the episode. I feel that both Booth and Bones would have emotional issues inside each of them in the aftermath of Bones rejecting Booth and the statement by Booth that he needed to move on. I know that some have become worn out with the show as a result of the frustration with the powers that be, but I have decided to keep on with what the show presents in this season long project, which may continue on into next season, despite my own frustration, though I thoroughly enjoy the show still. Thank you for all the support and encouragement with this story. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:**

_April 19, 2010: In trying to avoid the issue of love and a relationship once again, have I damaged the working relationship between myself and Booth? His discomfort is obvious, and while I was glad he was there at the reunion, I know that our work suffered while we pretended to be a married couple. He even had trouble with the idea of dancing close to me. I know why, and it's my fault. He also was a bit short and more cutting in his teasing about my unease, socially. I also had a shocking emotion that I have had in the past with Booth, but not this strong. Jealousy. The very woman who cheated in chemistry off of my papers was hitting on Booth. I wanted to scream. And Booth! He didn't take her up on it, but he sure didn't do anything to seriously dissuade her. I'm feeling something I don't like. I'm feeling myself withdrawing more and more into my shell around people, and also Booth to a degree. I did learn about true friendship, though, and who my friends really are, but after what I did when Booth took a chance on me, will I have the most important friend I have ever had for much longer, or if I do, will it be the level of friendship that has made my life what it is now as opposed to six years ago? Damn! Now I'm rambling, and I hate it when people do that. Is this the kind of thing that Hank was talking about when he mentioned living with the consequences? I have the feeling that it is, and also the other consequences will be much worse if it continues to deteriorate. Booth did make me feel better when he told me that all those people who hated me in high school simply misunderstood me. I can relate to that. I don't understand them, either._

**From the Journal of FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth:**

_April 19, 2010: There are times I want to just hit something, or someone. This case was torture. I'm trying to move on. Honestly. But then we have to go undercover at Bones reunion as a married couple!? HOW SCRWED UP IS THAT!?!?!? Then Sweets, who I still want to beat ti a bloody pulp, is still pressing on this whole relationship idea with Bones. Helloooooooo??? Is anyone home, Sweets??? She shot me down! Stomped all over my heart! I hated being as abrupt with Bones as I was during the case, but I'm only human. If I'm to move on, I can't let myself be drawn in too closely anymore. And that close dance? I felt like I was going to lose it right there on the dance floor. I tried to give some space, but the unreality of it given our cover, and also the hurt look on Bones face killed that idea. But the cold, hard reality is that no matter what I do, I will always love Bones. I wanted to give those arrogant asses at the reunion what for considering the way they hurt Bones in High School, which added to the trauma she already was feeling given being in the foster care system which failed her so spectacularly. At least tonight at Founding Fathers she showed me that she understands who her real friends are, and what real friends are to each other. It won't let me sleep easy at night, but it will help. My biggest concern after this whole disastrous weekend is what happens if I can't move on? I wish I could compartmentalize like Bones seems to be able to._

_A/N: As I mentioned above, these entries are now focused more on the emotional aspects of the episodes as I see them in the aftermath of episode 100. I feel that both will be a bit frustrated, and rambling as they try to deal with the fallout of what Bones did. I hope that these two initial entries in that vein work. Gregg._


	25. Chapter 25

_After a very long delay, due to illness and a dose of the real world coming into play, I am now able to post the remaining chapters to this one to bring it up to date for this season. I hope that this and the following chapters will meet with your approval. I have decided to continue this story into next season with the same basic focus. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**From the Journal of FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth:**

_April 26, 2010: Is it possible that God is somehow allowing a cruel irony to infect my life? I tell Bones two weeks ago that I have to move on. Now two weeks later I meet a lady and agree to a date. But guess what? She's beautiful, a scientist, and brunette. She's nice and is a professional when it comes to her job. The only difference between Catherine and Bones is that Catherine is polished and poised in social settings. Who am I kidding? I know this can't go anywhere. Every time I look at Catherine I'll only be seeing Bones and it's doomed to fail. Now that I've made yet another disastrous mistake personally, the icing on the damn cake is that Bones had lunch with Hacker. That pathetic pansy was just waiting for the perfect chance to swoop in and try for another shot at Bones, and I may have just given her the impetus to do something about her biological imperatives with that putz. I guess I may just have to play the hand I allowed to be dealt and see how it turns out. Gordon Gordon said a few months ago to have hope. Well, at the moment I can see what's left of my hope slowly flushing down the damn toilet._

**From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:**

_April 26, 2010: I want Booth happy, and I know I made a serious mistake a couple of weeks ago, but I think I now know what Booth felt like when I dated Sully three years ago. Booth could have any woman he desires and yet he chooses someone so much like me physically, that it feels like a slap in the face. To make matters worse, I had lunch with Andrew. I know I promised Hank that I wouldn't date Andrew again, and I doubt that I will, as the lunch only reinforced my original views on the man. But do I continue having lunch with him on occasion to show Booth I can compartmentalize in the aftermath of my mistake, or do I let him know how I really feel? This is why I can't take a chance with Booth at this stage. I am so distraught over what should be nothing that I can't even determine a wise course of action. I only hope I can make everyone else believe that I am being supportive of Booth when I only want to tear out "Catherine's" eyes._

_A/N: Nothing elaborate or flashy for this episode, just what I think would have been running through their heads on the personal dimension of the episode. I hope you enjoyed it. Gregg._


	26. Chapter 26

_This one could have been written in a couple of different ways, but I focused on the one thing that I feel binds Booth and Bones together more than anything else. Respect for the opinion of the other when given at various times. In this case it's Booth's respect for Bones opinion. I hope you enjoy it. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**From the Journal of Special Agent Seeley Booth:**

_May 3, 2010: I'm screwed. Not the kind of screwing we would all love to have, but the kind where you know you've been defeated before you've really even been given a chance. A compact? How can a simple tie be a social compact or some such gobbledy gook? It sounds like I signed a freaking contract or something by simply accepting a tie! Now let's put this in perspective. Catherine is nice, fun to spend time with, and yet not a threat to Bones. Three great reasons to continue this. But you see it, don't you? There's that whole compact business. Bones is rarely wrong, even when it is about all that anthropology nonsense. She says I've essentially agreed to a compact and now I'm wearing a tie that isn't me. Oh, God. That's it, isn't it? Bones, in her own way, is telling me that Catherine, subtle or not, is trying to change me. Well, there it is. This new relationship is down the toilet. If someone can't accept me for who and what I am, then it's over. Bones can accept me. The Squints accept me. Why can't anyone else? Oh, yeah. Did you forget to notice how totally HOT Bones was singing with me on stage? Crap! I am really screwed if I break up with a woman and right away begin thinking about how HOT Bones is. Damn! I am so screwed._

**From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:**

_May 3, 2010: I hope my hint, subtle thought it may be, works. Booth is intelligent and his mind works with incredible rapidity when it comes to subtle hints. Will he understand that Catherine is already trying to change him? How could she try to do such a thing? How could any woman with a modicum of sanity want to change what has to be the closest example of male perfection that we are going to ever find? No. I can't allow that to happen. Catherine will not change my Booth. Wait a minute? Did I just say _**MY**_ Booth? I did. I can't even go three weeks after hurting him so badly before I begin thinking of him as a possession of sorts once again. Maybe I can justify it in the private recesses of my own mind. I will also use that excuse to justify dreaming of the incredibly delicious images of Booth on stage with me singing during this last case. My Booth? Definitely. I only hope one day it will be a reality and not a lust infused fantasy._

_A/N: Again, emotions are the key, and I keyed in on the implications of Bones' anthropological observations on the tie Catherine gave Booth. I hope you enjoyed them. Gregg._


	27. Chapter 27

_This episode was a fun one with Jack and Angela stuck in the jail cell and the uber patriotic and conscientious sheriff in charge. As far as Booth and Bones are concerned, not a lot happened, but the final scene at Founding Fathers was very telling and a good setup for the following weeks episode. I base the journal entries mainly on this last scene, as it was one of the only ones of them together. I hope you all enjoy it. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**From the Journal of FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth:**

_May 10, 2010: Witches, Wizards, and Warlocks. Maybe not that involved, but this case involving Wicca was a bit much in my opinion, though I have to admit that sneaking around the woods with Bones was a fun time, but it did keep reminding me of the distance of the last couple of weeks. I don't know what I'm going to do if this doesn't work out. I made her a wish at the Founding Fathers and she still doesn't understand. Oh, she smiled, and tried to acknowledge what I was getting at, but it still isn't there. Moving on isn't going to be an option for me as far as I can see. All through this case we seemed to be working separately most of the time, and I have a dread feeling that it's a harbinger of what's to come. The Gravedigger Trial is next week, and I'm hoping that that will settle some of what may be bothering Bones. Some closure will do us all some good, and maybe she'll be willing to talk to me about all of this. I guess maybe I'm stuck with Gordon Gordon's advice about having hope, and some patience. I should have listened to Pops and listened to my heart a few months ago. Regardless, I'm going to light a candle at Mass for Bones in the hopes that she finally does have some happiness._

**From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:**

_May 10, 2010: There is a certain symmetry to Wicca which I can appreciate as much as I appreciate the symmetry of the human skeletal structure. But mysticism in the guise of flash burning a stick figure? I would not thought Booth as gullible as that. His sentiment, though, is one that I wish could be true. I'm not happy, and I don't know if I can be with all that has happened, and with what is to come next week when the Gravedigger goes on trial. I don't dare tell Booth I'm having nightmares, and I don't dare tell him I miss the closeness we had before I was so foolish as to reject him. He has tried to move on just as he said, and while I felt genuine jealousy when he dated Catherine, I know that he has felt the same when I have dated in the past, and when I had lunch a couple of times with Andrew the last couple of weeks. I don't even particularly like Andrew, but he allows me to keep my mind off of what is bothering me so much. I just hope I don't have to make the ultimate decision of whether to let it progress to taking him as a lover and hurting Booth like I know I did with Sully. Maybe I should examine the mysticism of Booth's wish a bit more. Perhaps it will let me find some answers that will allow Booth's wish for me to come true. I only hope that when I do find happiness, Booth is a part of that happiness and our friendship isn't beyond repair from the damage I've done._

_A/N: I purposely kept this vague because of the episodes more natural focus on Angela and Hodgins, but the emotions that are in the entries are ones I can see from the overall chemistry between Booth and Bones in the episode. Since I worked backwards in writing these several new entries up, I was able to foreshadow a bit to allow for unease and tension because of the Gravedigger to be a part of the issues present in the episode on the emotional side. I hope these work for everyone. Gregg._


	28. Chapter 28

_This one takes place in the middle of the Gravedigger trial episode. By then Booth is noticing that something is wrong with Bones, but isn't quite sure how to respond to it, or what can make the emotional quagmire go away. He turns to the one person he knows can make him feel, if not whole, then somewhat better. I hope you enjoy this one. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth hated the feelings inside when he knocked on the door to Pops' apartment in the assisted living facility. Pops had done so much for him over the years that it felt wrong somehow to seek even more help from him when it should be the other way around. This whole trial and continuing investigation revolving around the Gravedigger was a nightmare and Booth wanted to keep it as far away from Pops as possible, but he couldn't. Too much was at stake.

"Seeley?" Hank Booth said, his concern instant when he saw the drawn, tired look on his beloved Grandson's face, and the slump to his tall frame. The boy was so haggard that he hadn't even noticed him opening the door almost two minutes before. The blank look startled Hank into action. "Get in here, Son, and sit down," he ordered, taking him by the arm and guiding him inside, closing the door behind them. He rushed to get a glass of water and handed it to him. He watched as Seeley drank the water down and then rub his hands up and down his face. He sat across from him.

"I don't know what to do, Pops," Booth said finally, at last looking with a little clarity at his Grandfather.

"About what, Son," Hank asked, using the word son, again, for one of the rare times he could remember, though Seeley was more like a son to him than his Grandson. Seeley was everything he wished his own son had been, but hadn't.

"Bones," Booth said simply.

Hank could have guessed any number of reasons why Temperance would be worrying Seeley, but it was difficult to pinpoint any particular one with all that had been happening lately. "Is something wrong with her?" Hank asked. She hadn't called him in a couple of weeks, but he also knew that she'd been very busy with some investigations, so he hadn't thought much of it. Now he was worried.

"I think...I think I'm losing her, Pops," Booth said with a thoroughly defeated look.

"Seeley, we've discussed this before," Hank chided softly.

"Not like that, Pops," Booth told him. "She's not dating anyone now, but I'm losing her to herself."

"What do you mean?" Hank asked, a bit confused, but then those two confused the Hell out of him anyway, so this shouldn't be anything new.

"She's not herself, Pops," Booth replied. "It's like she's regressing to the person I knew when I first met her. Obsessive, angry, confused... I thought we were getting back to where we were before that whole blowup a few weeks ago, but now it's taking everything she has, it seems, to be able to respond to me without getting frantic."

"Respond to you?" Hank asked. That simple phrase Seeley had used could be interpreted many different ways, and not all of them good.

"This Gravedigger case has us all tied up in knots, Pops, and I've tried to be there for Bones, but she's putting up her walls," Booth explained. "She even questioned whether her being as close to people, including me, has made her miss things in investigations, and especially in this one. Pops, she even is considering not working on cases anymore."

"I could use a cup of coffee," Hank said as he stood up and went to get a cup. He got a cup for Seeley, but splashed a bit of bourbon in that one. He handed the _fortified_ cup of coffee to Seeley, and kept the straight stuff for himself. "Drink that," he gruffly directed.

Booth took a healthy slug of the laced coffee, knowing full well what Pops had done with it. He needed to relax a bit, and Pops knew it. The bite of the bourbon in the coffee was welcome, and the warming feel it carried was, too. "Thanks, Pops," he sighed.

"Have you tried talking to her?" Hank asked. He could see the toll this was taking on Seeley, and knew that if anything, it was even worse on Temperance. For all the posturing and hiding she did, he knew she had a heart bigger and more loving than anyone he'd ever known. The idea that something was interfering with the work she genuinely believed in, the closure she gave people, would be heart wrenchingly devastating. Add in her feelings for his Grandson and she was an emotional time bomb waiting to explode.

"She won't let me, Pops," Booth started flipping his poker chip absently. "I've tried, but every time I bring it up, she shifts the conversation to the case and what she has or hasn't found. And to make matters worse, I had to arrest her Father again."

"Seeley!" Hank growled. He knew Seeley wouldn't arrest someone without a good reason, but Temperance's Father? Again?

"Max is like you, Pops," Booth told him. "He'd do anything for his loved ones, and he was about to snipe the Gravedigger. If I didn't arrest him before he did it, he'd be in jail for murder right now and he would be convicted this time. I wasn't about to let Bones go through that."

Hank nodded, agreeing with what Seeley had done. "Are you thinking of gambling again?" Hank asked, gesturing to the poker chip, making it clear he was talking about money gambling, not the gambling with his heart he'd done a few weeks earlier.

"No," Booth said firmly. "That's the one good thing about this whole mess. I'm so worried about Bones, and also what's going to happen if this doesn't work out, that I haven't once thought about gambling."

"Well, that's a start," Hank observed. "It shows your heart is in the right place."

"But is my faith?" Booth asked hesitantly. He knew that Pops was not the perfect Catholic by far, but Pops was a religious man who had an enormous amount of faith.

"What do you mean?" Hank asked. It was an odd question from Seeley, considering how faithful his Grandson was to God, but in some ways, the horrors that Seeley had been through in his life would test anyone's faith.

"Outside of you and Parker, Bones is the best thing in my life, and you three are the only ones I can count on no matter what," Booth replied. "In a big way, after what I did as a sniper, you're only things that really lets me know that God actually gives a damn about Seeley Booth, despite going to Mass every week, and confession several times a week."

"I've always believed that God loves everyone," Hank replied, not really knowing how to answer such a statement. "And despite what you think, you are a damn good man, Seeley. You've reached a dip in the road, sure. But no matter what happens, I know that she'll always be there for you when it matters." He was thinking of the promise she'd made him, and what she had said about her feelings for his Grandson during some of their talks. He wasn't going to betray her confidence, but he would confide his own belief in her to Seeley.

"But what if she leaves, Pops?" Booth asked, stating his biggest fear, even though she hadn't said anything like that, he was sure that her mind was moving in that direction. "I don't know what I'll do without her."

"Do you love her? Really love her?" Hank asked.

"Of course I do," Booth said with a finality in his tone that left no doubt.

"Then love her enough to let her do what she has to do to find what she's searching for," Hank told him. "She's scared, Seeley. She's feeling all sorts of things she doesn't understand. She told you she's a scientist. Let her be one. Let her draw her own conclusions. If she really loves you, then she'll do what's right, even if it means not being with you, whether for the time being, or ever. Sometimes you have to leave behind the ones you love because you love them. Because you can't stand to see them be hurt, or causing hurt."

"Tough love?" Booth asked. "This is Bones way of practicing tough love, only it's because she doesn't feel she can be good enough for me, or the ones she tries to help?"

"I think so," Hank said with a bit of confidence. He was sure that Temperance would deny what was being concluded, but he was sure of what they were talking about.

"So what do I do?" Booth asked. He felt pathetic and helpless, but this was way beyond him at this point.

"Love her by being there when she needs you, and always making sure she knows you're in her corner," Hank told him. "I told you before you have it all right there in that heart of yours, and you still do. She knows what she wants, but because she is scared, and feeling trapped, she's not able to reach out right now for what would make it better."

"I wish I was as smart as you on all this stuff," Booth sighed as he finished off the laced coffee.

Hank chuckled gruffly. "I had a good teacher," he revealed.

"Who was that?" Booth asked.

"Your Grandma," Hank smiled. "Don't worry, Seeley. Things will work out. Maybe not exactly like you hope, but they will work out like they're meant to. Just be patient, and have a little faith."

"And hope?" Booth said with a sardonic smile. Hank was sounding a little like Gordon Gordon a few months before.

"Always," Hank said. "Now let's play some dominoes. You need to get your mind onto something else for a little while."

"Thanks, Pops," Booth said with a great deal of warmth and appreciation when Pops returned with the Dominoes.

"Anytime," Hank told him. "Anytime."

_A/N: I hope you enjoyed this one. It's designed to set up the next set of entries a bit. I also love Hank and enjoy writing him. Gregg._


	29. Chapter 29

_Here is the entry for the latest episode where the Gravedigger was put on trial. I hope that you like this set of entries, though to be honest, the emotions coming through are anything but warm and fuzzy. As I said earlier, I am sorry for the delay in updating this story, but I've been having some health issues the last few weeks that have left me unable to really concentrate on the episodes enough to work out the journal entries to my satisfaction. Thanks again for all the continuing support and encouragement on this story. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**From the Journal of FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth:**

_May 18, 2010: I should be happy, but I'm not. The Gravedigger is behind bars where she belongs and won't be getting out thanks to the incredible job the Squints did on this one. Because of them, this nightmare is over. Why is it, though, that I feel like I've just lost? Not lost a case, or a game, or even a trivial contest, but rather the most important thing I have in my life. I feel helpless. Bones is hurting, and struggling hard, but there's nothing I can do. She won't let me. She'll _**hear **_the words I say, but she won't _**listen**_ to what it is I have to tell her. I don't know why, but when I saw her look back at me from that cab, I just knew that something will happen, and I'm going to be wondering how something so right became so wrong. Bones is becoming the woman I fell in love with almost from the beginning, but the woman I have come to love more and more every day is shying away because she fears what she has become is going to hurt her and those around her. I just hope that Bones doesn't end up being the biggest loser in this whole drama that our lives have become. The way I feel right now is enough to make me, for the first time in my life, question the ways of God, and his plan for all of us, in particular me and Bones. _

**From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:**

_May 18, 2010: _

_Dear Booth. I doubt you'll ever see my journal, but I can't think of anything else to do but write down what I'm feeling right now in a letter to you. I know it's not the usual form of a journal entry, but somehow it feels like the right thing to do. Do you know how terrified I am of hurting you? I know that I am just by seriously looking into taking a long time off from our partnership, but if I don't how I will be able to protect you? I'm broken. I'm damaged and don't see how being so close to me right now can be good for you, or anyone else. Hodgins was so angry with me when I said that Caroline should drop the original cases against the Gravedigger. I could see it in his eyes. Hear it in his tone of voice. But it was the right thing to do. The problem is, I hurt him by having to be so cold. So seemingly uncaring that I was somehow possibly belittling his feelings. But it was the right thing to do, and I know none of us would have been as deeply affected by my words if we weren't all so close to one another. Even though you drew it for different reasons that existed between us, I can now see, to a certain extent, the importance of the line. You deserve someone who can show you the kind of compassion and caring that I don't really understand, and only view right now as a hindrance to keeping you safe. I'm sorry, Booth. I know this may make things impossible between us in the future, if there is a future, but I can't live with the way things are right now. I need to find myself, and hopefully understand what has been happening the last few years, not only between us, but also with our work, and our friends. I hope that when that day comes, you'll let me try and tell you all of this, and be my friend again. Love, Bones._

_A/N: As I said this one is quite down, emotionally, but the episode, in terms of Booth and Bones, was very dramatically depressing. I hope that you can all appreciate this one and I am hoping that future episodes will allow the continuing entries to be more upbeat and hopeful. I have decided to continue this story into the sixth season, so I hope that the powers that be don't drag this out too long. Thanks again for all the great responses. Gregg._


	30. Chapter 30

_This set of entries, I think, were the most difficult to come up with out of all the ones I've written. They could go on so many directions, but in the end, I left it open to the "hope" that Gordon Gordon said to have early on in the season, and also from the body language and the facial expressions that Booth and Bones had during the episode and in the final scene. I hope you enjoy them. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:**

_May 26, 2010: I think I understand what Booth has been feeling for a long time now. Love isn't just a word, and isn't just a chemical or physiological response, but rather a deep connection between two people. The kind of connection that I felt when Booth grasped my hand a few short hours ago and looked at me, telling me that in one year we are to meet at the Reflecting Pool by the coffee vendor. I now know that going to Indonesia is the right thing to do. Not for me, or any of the selfish things I was feeling when I first read of the discovery which seemed like a dream come true given how I've felt the last couple of weeks, but for Booth. I have a long career ahead of me where I can contribute no matter where I am. Booth has never really had closure about his military service. By going to Indonesia, I've freed him to get that closure. Maybe I can find what I have felt was lacking these last weeks, and the fear I have that I won't be able to protect Booth will go away. I don't think I will be able to tell him all of this right away when we meet in a year, and it will take time, but I believe that I am one step closer to being ready to be what Booth deserves. That wasn't the case a week ago, but it is now. I only hope that our fears, and the pain we've caused each other at various times over the last five years won't be too much to make a future for _**US**_ possible. _

**From the Journal of Sergeant Major Seeley Booth, United States Army:**

_May 26, 2010: Does Bones know how hard it was for me to let go of her hand and know I won't see her for a year? Does she know that I almost pulled her to me and begged her not to go? Does she know that if she'd only asked, I would not have gone back into the Army? Does she know the depth of feeling I have for her? I think she does. For the first time I saw that deep glimmer in her eyes that told me that we were on the same page, and it was about how we feel about each other. Angela told me the other day about Bones' fear that she isn't able to keep me safe anymore. I think that in Bones' mind going to Indonesia will allow me to do what I think is right, and also allow her to regain what she thinks is missing. I was wrong a few weeks ago. I can't move on. I don't need to move on. I'll know in a year if what I'm feeling right now about all this is right. I'll know in a year if being willing to wait for her is worth it. Pops was right when I talked to him during the Gravedigger Trial. I have to love her enough to let her do what she feels she needs to do and have hope and faith. No matter how the future turns out regarding an _**US**_, I know that I'll always have faith in Bones._

_A/N: This one is vague and goes on emotion. I added a part of my prose chapter 28 where Booth sought out Pops in his entry to make the analysis work. I hope you don't mind the small license I took with that in terms of the episode. As I mentioned before, I plan on continuing this story through the next season. Have a great Summer Hiatus! Gregg._

_A/N2: There will be one add on chapter to this one in which Booth writes a letter to Pops explaining why he had to go back into the military for a year. I decided to explain his reasoning that was instead of in the entries so that the entries could focus more on the emotions of the episode than on the side issue, regardless of how important it it. Gregg._


	31. Chapter 31

_Here is one more chapter to Booth's Lie and then it is in hiatus until the new season. I wanted to take a moment and explore briefly why Booth actually went back into the military. Several valid reasons come to mind, but what was Booth thinking when making his decision? Here is my take on it. I would like to thank CSINaomi and NCISaddict77 for having taken the time to read and suggest alterations for a few of the last set of postings for this story. Their second opinion on specific elements made a real difference. Of course everyone's feedback and encouragement has played a significant role in the development of this project. I hope you all enjoy this one. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Hank Booth put on his reading glasses and flipped through his mail. Mostly ridiculous advertisements, which he dumped in the trash bin unceremoniously, and then a couple of postcards from Temperance. He smiled. Ever since she had left for that dig in Indonesia she had sent him four postcards a week with short notes to him. He knew it was her way of letting him know she was alright. They'd had a long talk before she left, and he understood why she felt she had to go, and it certainly wasn't for any professional accolades. She was finally ready to do some serious thinking about her feelings for Seeley. When he finished reading her postcards, he flipped through the rest of his mail and found a letter from Seeley in a standard issue Army envelope. He paused for a moment. He hadn't been pleased when Seeley had said he was going back for a one year tour, and he'd let his Grandson know it in pungent terms. Taking a deep breath, he opened the envelope and drew out the letter.

_Dear Pops,_

_There's not much I can discuss given the security here and the classified work being done, but I can't let another day go by without trying to explain why I finally agreed to come back into the Army for a year._

_When I went into the Army the first time and became a sniper and did all those things that haunt me, I was only thinking of one thing. You. I always loved your stories about being in the Army and wanted something that would give us a tangible connection. Then I found out what it was really all about. I discovered that no matter the circumstances, whether then or now, war is a horrible reminder of the inherent capacity man has for cruelty and indifference. What made the military such a great experience for you and those of your generation was the comradeship and the deep knowledge that something was more important than yourselves. Somehow that got lost in the last however many years since WWII and Korea. I'm proud of my service, but I am ashamed at what it opened my eyes to in the process._

_For a long time I hid behind gambling and the "thrill" of winning or losing. It was a sham, really, and I was one of the lucky ones to get away from it. I guess the Man upstairs was looking out for me one more time. When I was a kid he gave me you, and when I needed it most as an adult, he sent me Bones. It sure has been a roller coaster, though._

_This past year I don't know what to think, though. I know what I feel for her, and that's not the problem. The problem is that Bones doesn't trust herself to listen to what she knows is right. She's worried about something, and I think I know what it is. Unfortunately I don't know for sure. To make matters worse no one will talk to me about what it is that's got Bones so wound up. Angela knows, and I can see it in her eyes when she glances at Bones._

_So why am I back in the Army for a year despite all the demons I have? It's easy, really. I want Bones to have the time she needs to figure out what she really needs and wants. I'm hoping she discovers that no matter what she accomplishes on the Muluku Islands, nothing will compare to the closure and peace she is able to give those who need her help doing the work we do together. I also have a reason that's personal. Most of my work is going to be training the men to do the kind of work that needs to be done over there. I want to prepare them for the personal cost and how to possibly avoid what I dealt with when I got back from my foreign tours of duty. Call me an optimist, but I really think it will give me the closure that has always eluded me, no matter the balm that Bones has always been for my soul._

_I know you're worried, Pops. Frankly I hate disappointing you, or causing you to worry too much about me. I just want you to know that this is something that I need to do, and the only way in which I would be willing to consider it is with Bones gone during the same time. Maybe this is something we both need. I know that when we said goodbye at the airport, it felt right between us for the first time in a long time. Not right that we were going to be away from each other for a year, but right in that we are finally going to get the kind of closure we need to move forward. At least I'm hoping that's the case._

_Does any of this make sense? I wrote it, and just read it, and it doesn't to me. I guess it all boils down to the fact that I have all the right reasons to be in the military this time, with none of the baggage that the romanticized stories created. That wasn't your fault, it's just how a young kid wanting something good in life would view any adventure. Maybe by doing it right this time I'll leave the past behind me, and I will also be able to be exactly the kind of man Bones needs me to be. Not one who has nightmares about the past, or the need to balance and cosmic balance sheet, but one who can accept whatever comes along. Maybe then she'll be able to see the good in letting go of your fears and taking a chance. Hopefully she'll be willing to take that chance on me._

_I gotta go, Pops. The regimental commander's called a meeting of all the senior NCO's and it's in five minutes. If you need anything, and I mean anything, let Cam know at the Jeffersonian, or Sweets. They'll make sure you have whatever it is. I'll write as much as I can. I love you, Pops._

_Shrimp_

Hank wiped his eyes when he removed his glasses. Now he was sure that Seeley would be okay. Seeley now understood what it was all about, and he had something more important than himself to work for, both personally as well as professionally. Hank also got something very special out of that letter. For years he'd always been so proud of Shrimp, but worried about his stability over his guilty conscience over being a sniper. Hank himself had been an MP, so he had an inkling of the darker side of the military, but nothing like what Shrimp had. Now it seemed that his grandson had finally put all the pieces together and wasn't so jaded. He wanted to write a long letter, but instead knew that a short line would speak even louder. He pulled out a sheet and wrote the quick note.

_Seeley,_

_I don't think it's possible to be any more proud of you than I am at this moment. Love,_

_Pops_

_A/N: I wanted this one to be short in order to bring a little more clarity to why Booth went back into the Army. The letter to Pops I think shows the jumble of thoughts that would have plagued him to a degree, but also would have showed why it was so important to reach his own closure with the military for the right reasons. I hope that this one adds a good point of view to the ongoing Booth's Lie, which as I mentioned in an earlier chapter I intend to continue next season. Thanks for all the encouragement. Gregg._


	32. Chapter 32

_I wanted to start out this season's Booth's Lie with a small short one before the entries start again where Booth admits to Pops that he has a serious girlfriend. Pops is understanding, but also lets him know what he thinks. I can see this one happening, and I hope that all of you can, too. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth pondered what he was going to say. He'd taken a few hours to himself so he could do this, but he was nervous. He was here five months early. The person he was wanting to see had no idea that he was back in DC, and he was certain that the added bit of news would be unwelcome at best, angering at worst. Raising his hand he knocked on the door and steeled himself for the welcome to come. He didn't have long to wait as the door opened almost instantly.

"Shrimp!" Hank Booth said with a wide smile and excited growl. He immediately wrapped up his grandson in a big bear hug.

"Hey, Pops," Booth returned the hug, losing himself for a moment in the feelings that always came when he was around his Grandfather.

"What are you doing home?" Hank asked as he let go and hustled Seeley into the apartment, closing the door behind them.

"Something came up and the whole team was brought back to DC to work on a case," Booth explained, not going into specifics.

"Do you have to go back to Afghanistan when it's done?" Hank asked seriously.

"I honestly don't know, Pops," Booth replied, sighing in frustration. Oddly enough a part of him wanted to go back, but another, even stronger part of him wanted to stay in DC. Hannah or Bones. Which one had his heart? What a fucking mess, and it was all due to his own stupidity. What had he been thinking trying to begin something in a damn war zone? Now he had a real mess because even though she wouldn't say anything, he could read Bones' body language and he could tell she had done some long and hard thinking in Magoo land or wherever and was finally ready. But Hannah deserved his best attempt at making their relationship work. Bones had flat out rejected him almost a year ago, hadn't she? It was easy to put on a good front for everyone, but inside he was a wreck because now he had to face the very reality that Angela had always been pestering Bones about.

"So is that Bone Lady of yours back in the states, too?" Hank asked. He was eager to see her if she was.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about, Pops," Booth managed to get out, and then in a torrent he explained the whole thing. He didn't leave anything out, including his read on Bones' body language.

"You sure know how to screw up big, don't you, Shrimp?" Hank needled. He could sense that Shrimp was really hurting and conflicted inside, so he decided that making the boy think about things was the best way to go, and the only way to do that was make him a bit defensive.

"Me?" Booth immediately took the bait. "I wasn't the one who rejected the other and stomped all over their heart, Pops."

"After you scared the Hell out of her," Hank shot back, though the gruffness in his voice

"But she had to have known that sooner or later I would make some attempt at it," Booth replied somewhat lamely.

"Temperance knows what she wants, Seeley," Hank told him. "But you lied to her when you qualified your statement of love when she got back from Guatemala. She trusted you to always be honest with her and you lied. What's even worse was that she knew it instantly. If she's worried about something not working out when it's so important to her, why would she take a chance when that person had already lied to her?"

"So what are you saying Pops? I'm a total fuck up?" Booth let loose in anger, though the anger was at himself for allowing things to get so out of hand.

"You are _**NOT**_ a fuck up!" Pops very angrily, and in a terrifyingly growling voice shouted. "I hate it that you have such a guilty conscience, Seeley. Sure you've had some problems, and some of the things you've done in the Army are hard to live with, but damn it you're my Grandson and if anyone should know the kind of good man you are it would be me!" His anger spent, he calmed down. "What I was trying to say was that you made a mistake, and then when you made another one you let your stubborn pride do your talking. Now I don't know how things began in Afghanistan, and I don't want to know, but you need to realize that you have some hard choices to make and soon."

"That's why I'm here, Pops," Booth explained. He was a bit shaken at the anger that had come from Pops, but he knew he had deserved it. "I don't know what to do, Pops. Do I keep on dating Hannah and just be partners with Bones and nothing more, or do I end it with Hannah and wait for Bones? The worst part is that no matter what I do, someone gets hurt."

"Seeley," Hank said in a calm, and caring gruffness. "In this life we're extremely lucky if we find the one person who really completes us. For some when they lose that person when he or she dies, they find someone else to spend their life with, but they never get back that feeling they had with The One. For me, your Grandma was the one who gave me that feeling of being complete. After she died I just never could bring myself to get really involved with anyone else, though I admit to a bit of 'crocheting' on occasion."

Booth smiled. "Yeah, Grandma sure was something, wasn't she?"

"I still talk to her every night," Hank admitted with a smile. "Look, Shrimp. Hannah may be great, but Temperance is The One. She accepted you despite all the crap that had you messed up for awhile, and she cares more about you after nearly seven years than anyone in your life outside of me and Parker."

"I don't want to hurt Hannah," Booth replied. He knew that Pops was right, but he didn't see how to get away from all of this nightmare.

"Then don't for now," Hank told him. "Just don't neglect Temperance in the process and make sure that she understands at some point that you're unsure of yourself. She was for a long time."

"But what if she finds someone else in the meantime?" Booth shuddered at the thought. The thought of Bones with another schmuck, or even worse hooking up with Hacker, to deal with urges made him practically nauseous. It also confirmed what Pops said about Bones being The One.

"That's the risk you took by lying to her in the first place and then letting your damn pride tell her you needed to move on and then doing so," Hank pointed out.

Before Booth could respond his cell phone rang. He pulled it out and flipped it open. "Booth," he said, all business as it was a call from Caroline. He grunted and nodded a few times. "Okay, I'm on my way." He flicked the cell phone closed and looked at Pops. "I gotta go, Pops. Something came up on the case." He stood and looked down at Pops who also stood. "Thanks, Pops," he said and gave the older man a hug. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Shrimp," Hank said warmly, patting him a couple of hard times on the back. "Just remember that no matter what happens, I'm proud of you."

Booth walked out of the building and to his SUV deep in thought. Talking with Pops had helped, but also opened himself up to a whole lot more questions. Putting all that aside, though, he drove away already thinking about the new information Caroline had given him.

While that was happening, Hank Booth had sat back down and was thinking about all of this. Finally he looked up at the ceiling and sighed. "I sure wish you were here to help me with this one, Honey," he said sadly to the memory of his late wife. He smiled as he imagined her giving him what for over saying that and belittling his own efforts. She always had been the smart one in the marriage, but he'd always considered himself to be the really lucky one. He only hoped that Shrimp would end up with that kind of life. One that a good person deserved. Coughing gruffly, he turned the volume back on the television. His favorite action movie was one, after all and he didn't want to miss the good parts.

_A/N: Like I said, a short one to begin the new season of Booth's Lie entries. I hope everyone's summer was a good one and that the new season of entries keeps your interest. This one may seem a bit off from the bravado about Hannah that Booth expressed, but that is outward appearance in my mind and not necessarily what is going on in his mind. Gregg._


	33. Chapter 33

_Here is the first set of journal entries for the new season of Booth's Lie. I thought the first episode went well, and I have a twist on it to make the tone of last season continue on in this season, which I brought about through the last chapter in which Booth talks to Pops. I hope these entries work for everyone. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:**

_Sept. 27, 2010: Sweets told us that Booth was the gambler and that it needed to be him to take the chance. He was wrong. Booth was simply being honest. I took the chance and gambled. Now I've lost, it seems. The entire seven months I've been in Muluku I have been pondering the situation between Booth and myself. The conclusion that I reached was that the future didn't matter. What was important was the here and now, as Booth would say, and how we live today. Because of my gamble, and then my selfish actions in relation to Muluku, I have made a mess of what was probably the most wonderful part of my life. _

_Booth lied to me a year ago. I know why now, especially after these past seven months. I lied to him eight months ago when I rejected him. Now that I'm ready to say it, I'm prevented from doing so because he has found someone else. He moved on like he said he would. Maybe it won't be permanent and I will have another chance. I don't know. All I do know is that Caroline, in making sure that Booth was staying, has given me the chance to make right what I so horribly disrupted. Maybe it will end like I now hope it will. Perhaps it won't. All I do know is that if given the same opportunity again, I won't let my fears overwhelm me. In the end, though, all I want is for Booth to be happy. It's only right, as he is the one person in my life who has made me genuinely happy._

**From the Journal of Special Agent Seeley Booth:**

_Sept. 27, 2010: She was ready. I saw it in her eyes and when she admitted that she hadn't had sex, or been seeing anyone while in Muluku (See, I can say it right!). Right at that moment I felt like the world's biggest heel. I did what I said I would do and moved on. At least I'm pretty sure I've moved on. I do love Hannah. But am I _**IN**_ love with her? That's the real question, isn't it? I know I respect her, and she deserves my genuine attention to find out if I am in love with her, but that doesn't take away from the gnawing feeling that I am somehow making another drastic mistake, like the gamble I took when I told Bones my real feelings after Sweets added his two cents in. I really should slug him for that. I only hope that if this relationship with Hannah doesn't work out, Bones will still be willing to give me a chance and hasn't moved on herself, either in the satisfying urges department, or even more horribly, the love department. Maybe I'll know more when the two of the meet at some point. All I know is is that while I can keep up a good front with everyone, and I am being honest about Hannah with them, I am not doing so hot inside my own head. Maybe another visit with Pops is in order._

_A/N: I kept this one vague and open to future developments so that I can work with next weeks episode better. As with last season, I am keeping the journal entries focused on their thoughts towards each other. I hope you all enjoyed this set. Gregg. _


	34. Chapter 34

_Sorry about the delay in this one, but I wanted to see the third episode before writing the entries for the second episode and the add ons for the third. I only hope that I captured them reasonably well. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**From the Journal of FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth:**

_October 2, 2010: This is good and bad. Bones is jealous. I knew that last week when we returned, but to see it in her eyes when Hannah showed up, and then at the Founding Fathers when Hannah showed up again to get me for dinner, was almost painful. Bones also lied to me. She began spouting all the hooey about love being chemical reactions, yet she didn't have the certainty in her voice that she's had in the past. She's hiding. Reverting to a degree to where she won't be hurt. Why is God paying this monumental trick on me? I make an honest attempt to move on in the face of Bones' heart crushing rejection, and now I'm the bad guy somehow? I care about Hannah, and in my own way love her, but I'm not so certain anymore about the "serious as a heart attack" comment I gave Bones when we first got back. I've got a lot of thinking to do._

**From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:**

_October 2, 2010: Despite all my protestations to the contrary, I do feel jealousy and anger. Hannah showed up, and while she may be a good person, I find myself trying desperately not to "open a can of whoop ass" on her, as Angela once said when Hodgins tried to move on once when they were broken up. Instead, I lie to Booth, and define love as I always have in the past, despite the fact that I know differently now. I am now well aware of how Booth must have felt all these years when I was with various men, especially Sully. It is not a good feeling. Booth once said that he's the heart person, and I'm the brains person. I think now is a good time to begin working with my heart and have a little of the faith that Booth has in the people he cares about to do the right thing. I only hope that for Booth the right things is eventually me. _


	35. Chapter 35

_This weeks episode was good, and it had a lot of fodder for Booth's Lie. Here are the entries for it, and tomorrow or the day after I will have an add on that is very Brennan specific and shows how her character has grown. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**From the Journal of FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth:**

_October 10, 2010: I could kill Sweets. That nosy little shit is interfering once again. I agree to let Hannah move in, and what does he do? He questions me about it! He's the one who made this whole mess come about, and now he's trying to save his ass from a monumental stomping if it all goes south! I already know I have a lot to think about, but does he have to stick his nose into this, too? Add to that the fact that Bones is now looking like I must have when she was with Sully and I feel like a first class heel. Hannah's trying, and the phone is great, but even that all boils down to Bones. I still think this is very unfair. I get my heart ripped out and stomped on, but do I catch a break when I try for something that I've always wanted in life? No. It still is right squarely on Bones, and I can only play this out and see if something can be salvaged in the aftermath. Hannah moving in with only that small bit, and then calling herself a nomad doesn't fill me with a lot of confidence. At least with Bones, even if she is only a friend at this point, I know that if something was happening, she would be there without fail. Can I say the same thing about Hannah? For some reason that nomad comment makes me think I can't._

**From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:**

_October 10, 2010: My mistake of nine months ago in rejecting Booth has never been so clear as it is tonight. Who would have thought that something as simple as seeing his joy in an old fashioned telephone would show me that what I have to offer is good enough for Booth, and that there is nothing that he wants changed in me? Hannah, to her credit, did let him know that it was my idea, but that still does not take away the feelings I have, or the almost visceral feeling at knowing that instead of kissing me tonight, and making love to me, he is doing all that with her. Someone once told me that having faith, any form of faith, is the most difficult thing in the world, emotionally, yet the most rewarding. I have consistently scoffed at such a notion, but if the reward is Booth, then perhaps I have been in error regarding the concept of faith. I do, though, need to talk to someone. Someone important._

_A/N: I know those last two lines are provocative, but they are the lead in to the add on I am composing. I hope you enjoyed these two entries. Gregg._


	36. Chapter 36

_This is an add on to last weeks episode that I wanted to post before tonights new episode, and is a direct continuance to Bones' journal entry from that episode where she said she needed to talk to someone important. I have had several people make guesses as to whom I was referring, but no one guessed it. I hope that this short chapter is one that you all enjoy as I think it shows the growth that Bones has exhibited right from the start of this season, showing that while she may very well have made an error in deciding to go to Maluku, she made good use of the time to really think about her life and how she wants to live it. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Bones pulled into the parking space and sat in the driver's seat for close to ten minutes. It was early morning, about 5:30, but she'd been up all night doing some hard thinking. What had been a stray thought at the end of her journal entry had become almost a need that had to be dealt with. With a deep sigh, she grabbed her purse, and the small jewelry box next to it, and got out of the car. She walked with purpose until she came to a halt. She shivered at the knowledge that her Mother's remains lay beneath the ground she was standing on, and the only tangible indicator of that fact was the head stone.

"Hi, Mom," she managed to get out, though she felt foolish. Booth had made such a big deal of coming to visit and talk to him, or his grave, rather, if he should die before her, that she reasoned that there must, no matter how illogical, be something to it. She had never truly admitted it, but when it came to emotional realities she had yet to find a situation where Booth had been wrong. Maybe if she had listened to him with more than passing courtesy on a lot of those occasions, she wouldn't be dealing with the reality of him being with someone else right now. Taking a calming breath, she continued.

"I don't really know what to say. Maybe I'm sorry for not coming to see you for a long time, though I'm unsure what that would accomplish," she rambled a bit. "Maybe I'm sorry for not knowing that you were in Limbo for so long before I found you. Do you know how I felt when I discovered that you were dead and had been right there all along?" she asked rhetorically, though her voice hitched when she said that. "For so long I wanted to hate and distance myself from anything emotionally entangling because of what happened when you and Dad left me. I have Dad and Russ back in my life, thanks to Booth, but it hurts so much that you're not here, too."

She felt a few tears fall when she admitted that last. In the past she would have chastised herself for the emotional weakness, but not now. She wanted to say this, and not let anything, even a few tears and deeper emotions stop her.

"I'm a scientist now, and the best in my field. I've traveled all over the world a number of times, and am a published author. For a long time that was enough, along with the occasional casual lover to satisfy my urges, but something has changed," she explained. "Almost seven years ago I met a man named Seeley Booth. He's an FBI Agent and he wanted my help in solving a murder. Ever since then, despite how much I know I've hurt him by my casual flings and at times mocking bickering about his religion, he's been my best friend, though it took a while for us to know what we were for each other."

She recalled all of the late night debates on everything and anything. She remembered the profound ideas he propounded, especially his explanation of making love. She spent time saying all this to the still air and the head stone to her Mother's grave. She told of all the times that Booth had made her see herself as someone special, someone worthy of a lasting friendship, and that there was someone in her life that wouldn't leave her. Then she told of what happened almost nine months previously.

"I made a horrible mistake, Mom," she said softly. "This incredible person who showed me that there was a life outside the lab, and my casual flings, told me that he wanted more than just a partnership and friendship. He wanted a genuine relationship. Someone that would love him for thirty, forty, or fifty years. Booth chose me. Me, the broken scientist who has tried so hard to avoid entangling emotional connections. It was like a dream come true, and I said no. I said I was a scientist and couldn't change."

In her minds eye she replayed that night and felt indescribably sick over her rejection of Booth. Steadily she continued on.

"He said he needed to move on. We were still partners, but the friendship was awkward, at best. Then I had a chance to go on an important dig in Maluku for a year. At the same time he was asked to go back in the Army for a year in Afghanistan. He has some good reasons for having gone, but there is just something inside me that says he left because I was leaving.

"I put the time we were apart to good use and finally realized that to be with him I didn't have to change who or what I was at all. Once I realized that, and was honest with myself, I was able to admit out loud that I love him. I was so ready to tell him when we met up again, but I never had the chance. While he was over there he met a woman and is now involved with her. My most important desire is that he be happy. He seems happy with Hannah, but I also can see that it is not what he wants. I can now read him like he reads me. I saw how he looked when she called herself a nomad and that was her explanation for only having a few bags when moving in with Booth."

A visceral emotion clouded her mind right then at Hannah having said that. How dare someone say that to Booth, making it almost plain that this was not anything more than a stopover? She could now see how Booth must have felt when she was with all those casual lovers, and also her short time with Sully. She explained this all in her continuing monologue to her Mother.

"I don't know what to do," she ended her long story. "I want him to be happy more than anything, and while I know I can make him happy, I hurt him so badly when I rejected him that he may not ever be willing to take another chance with me once this relationship with Hannah ends. I wish you were here so you could tell me what I should do. Like when I was a young girl and you would talk about life and all of the beautiful things in this world."

Before she could do anything a memory came to her with no effort or any pondering. She was with her Mom and she was about 12 or 13. They were talking about boys and she had asked her Mom if she had ever had any doubts about marrying her father.

_"Not one," Christine said with a warm smile. "Even though it took a while, and I resisted for a time, I knew that he was someone who would not disappoint me. When that special someone comes along, don't lose hope. It may be difficult, and it may hurt sometimes, but when it resolves itself, the hope, the desire, and the patience are all just a small sacrifice compared to the happiness you'll find."_

Bones' eyes widened. It was a memory, and she could explain all the science and psychology surrounding the power of memories, and their triggers, but a memory didn't have that warm feeling that was now going through her. It was like her Mom was right there with her, letting her know something important. She closed her eyes and could almost smell the scent of her Mother's favorite perfume, or the brush as her Mom would brush out her hair when she was young. Booth had been right again, and she was more than willing to admit it. She vowed right then that she would without hesitation follow Booth's wishes if he should die before her.

She crouched down and pulled the small jewelry box from her jacket pocket. Opening it she saw the dolphin ear rings, the dolphins made of diamonds, that she'd had commissioned some time back in memory of her Mother. Closing it, she dug a small hole about one foot down and gently placed the box and ear rings in it, then covered them up. It seemed appropriate that she give something to her Mother like this, since she herself treasured her Mother's old ear rings so much. Standing, she smiled. She knew that while the future was unclear, and she may have to move on at times herself, she now had the patience to see this situation with Booth for the reality it was. She wanted long term with him, and when he was ready to take another chance on her, she would be ready. She placed her hand on the head stone.

"Thanks, Mom," she said softly. Then without a backward glance she walked back to her car and left the cemetery. She had a job to do, and a whole new world view to work within.

_A/N: I wanted this to be like this, though it may be a bit too sentimental, or move the character too far ahead. I hope that this works for everyone, and that in the end the show validates the growth that this chapter shows. Thanks for the continuing support on this story. Journal entries for this weeks episode will be posted this weekend. Gregg._


End file.
